The Sportatorium

Donnybrook Theatre

2009-06-16T11:44:00.003-06:00

WWE 24/7 ("Classics on Demand") added a never-before-seen snippet entitled "Donnybrook Theatre". A pilot episode from 1995, hosted by Todd Pettengill, with Mr. Fuji, Yokozuna, Lord Alfred Hayes (he was still around in 1995?!!) and (apparently) the Rosati Sisters ("Oink-ettes").

Like the bastard love child of "TNT", it took place in a studio, with an Old West Saloon set-up. Recalling "Fuji Bandito", Yokozuna and Fuj walked in to play cards. Might sound like fun... but 95% of the skit was Todd Pettengill motor-mouthing his way through the whole thing, while dressed like the old "movie director" stereotype. Clad in a beret, boots and carrying a megaphone, Pettengill narrated the whole thing, which was completely devoid of humor or excitement. Stuff like: "Yokozuna then sat down to play cards!"

For some reason, "The Huckster" soon entered, although he was announced as simply "Hulk Hogan". Yoko slowly beat him up and gave him the BANZAI drop. That was it... as the final segment was destroyed and couldn't be found. Very, very WEIRD. The premise sounded somewhat funny, with Yoko and Fuj clowning around, but Pettengill delivered no witty remarks or one-liners and the "director" gimmick quickly turned stale. Then "Hulk Hogan"?! I'm curious as to WHEN this was originally filmed, as it may have been their first attempt to whip up something similar to the Billionaire Ted skits.

Avoid this clip at all costs. "Fuji Vice" has gained a cult following over the years, but it "Donnybrook Theatre" ever does, then there is no hope for the Internet Rasslin' Fan.

WWF @ Madison Square Garden - July 12, 1986

2009-05-28T09:48:00.005-06:00

I wanted to review this entire card, but time constraints and the weekly WWE Classics OnDemand expiration meant I had to record it while I cut the grass. Still, got to see the gist of the card, including:

Tony Atlas vs. Leaping Lanny Poffo
Face-v-face match and actually not 100% terrible, as Atlas was much more mobile than I expected. Before the match, Lanny delivered a light-hearted poem praising "Mr. USA" and bemoaning his lost luggage. Both guys traded dropkicks to pick up the pace, but Atlas soon settled on the chinlock. Ending was unexpected, as they bounced off opposite turnbuckles, with Atlas leap-frogging and pinning Poffo with a backslide. A bit sloppy and choregraphed on the pinfall, though (you could see Poffo "stumbling" and putting his arms into position for Atlas's backslide).

22-Man $50,000 Battle Royal
Somewhat famous match-- it's the "match where Jimmy Hart hides under the ring and eventually wins". Mostly jobbers and tag-teamers, with Johnny Valiant and Bobby Heenan also donning the trunks. Going off of memory, but I think it included:

Big John Studd
King Kong Bundy
Bobby Heenan
"Handsome" Harley Race
Greg Valentine
Brutus Beefcake
Tony Garea
Lanny Poffo (still sweating from the last match)
Tony Atlas (same as above)
Sivi Afi (listed as "Siva Afi")
Junkyard Dog
Moondog Spot (listed as "Spot Moondog")
Moondog Rex (listed as "Rex Moondog")
Billy Jack Haynes
King Tonga
Pedro Morales
Dynamite Kid
Davey Boy Smith
"Luscious" Johnny Valiant
Jimmy Hart
"Iron" Mike Sharpe (yarrrrrrgh!)
S.D. Jones

Cool touch as each particpant was introduced by Howard Finkel, complete with their hometowns. Everyone ganged up to dump Studd and Bundy, about 10 seconds into the match. Camera worked sucked, as they missed 90% of the eliminations, instead focusing on Jimmy Hart peeking out from under the ring apron. Best spot had the Bulldogs do-si-do and deliver dropkicks to eliminate the Moondogs.

Final segment boiled down to Haynes, Poffo, Smith, JYD and Tonga taking on Valentine. Valentine casually dumped Haynes, Smith, Poffo and Tonga, leaving only JYD. JYD was thrown through the second rope and discovered Jimmy Hart under the ring. Hart was brought back in to act as cheerleader for Valentine. Had to wonder WHY Hart was in there, since exactly ZERO of his clients were enrolled in this thing! Still, Valentine showed some hold-over loyalty to his old manager and protected him. Both JYD and Valentine tumbled over the ropes, simultaneously, leaving Hart as the victor. Hmm... have to check the records (including Memphis), but this may have been Hart's in-Ring Career Highlight.

Junkyard Dog vs. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Match went forever (remember: "it takes the Hammer 30 minutes just to get warmed up"), until both guys continued their Mild Battle Royal Feud and fought to a double-countout. Finkel again delivered some good theater as he announced both guys names, slowly, after the match, building suspense until it was deemed a "double countout".

Cage Match: Tito Santana and Bruno Sammartino vs. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis and "Macho Man" Randy Savage
The old chain-link cage and not the "big blue bar" version. Chico and Macho's collective presence was understandable, but I think Adonis/Sammartino was set up by a few "Flower Shop" segments. Rather funny how the #2 and #3 heels in the company (Macho and Adonis) had to sell for Bruno's punches and running knees. Bruno won it by beating the crap out of both guys, then exiting through the door. For good measure, Chico went over the top of the cage, at the same time. Bruno sure seemed to work a LOT of cage matches in 1986 and most were pretty well received by the crowds...so you have to give the old guy credit!

Other matches I didn't watch included:
Pedro Morales pinned "Iron" Mike Sharpe

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs beat the Moondogs

Billy Jack Haynes over Brutus Beefcake by DQ

King Kong Bundy & "The Giant" John Studd beat King Tonga & Sivi Afi

Harley Race pinned Tony Garea

Glad I got to cut the grass, as this card turned out to be over 2 hours of SUCK. I would've liked to catch Tonga/Avi vs. Studd/Bundy since I've become a big Tonga/Haku/MENG fan ever since I got WWE 24/7 and I've always dug Bundy. A few promos for next month's show aired; including Heenan declaring that Andre would be exposed under his "Machine" mask. But overall, this show was rather awful.

Boba Fett. Still Sucks.

2009-05-04T13:00:00.005-06:00

As a public service for "Star Wars Day" (May the Fourth be with you...get it?! Nyuk! Nyuk!), I need to announce how much Boba Fett sucks, once again.

Worthless guy who looks kinda' neat... but his claim to fame was floating in garbage, then requiring the help of no less than Darth Vader and a buncha' Stormtroopers to catch some guy, along with his girlfriend, his dog, and a gay robot. Not to mention he also needed the help of (and betrayal by) his target's old gambling buddy.

Fittingly, to complete his life of worthless suckitude, Boba Fett was accidentally killed by a blind guy.

Iron Man: Animated Armored Adventures in Armor that are Adventurous

2009-05-01T10:33:00.006-06:00

Ol' Tony Stark has been rebooted and re-labeled a lot, recently. Obviously, the most successful was the 2008 big-screen movie, but we've also had re-boots in the comic books and the 2007 Direct-to-DVD animated release.

So now Nickleodeon has launched "Iron Man: Armored Adventures". Done in the computer-animated style of MTV's ill-fated "Spider-Man" cartoon, it recasts Tony Stark as a 16 year old wiz kid. James Rhodes, Obadiah Stane and Pepper Potts are all along, as well. Following in the tradition of Stupid Marvel Super-Hero Theme Songs, this new show has its own entry.

For a "kids' show", some of the themes are pretty dramatic. Example: in the first episode Howard Stark dies in a weird plane crash and Tony soon has his familiar electrically-powered heart battery.

But it seems more than a little tough to stomach Tony Stark as a 16 year old (recall "Avengers: Timeslide" and the 1995 Kang/Iron Man/Mantis quagmire). Some Marvel heroes can be re-worked as teens, but Iron Man works best as an adult in his 30's (at least). Batman is the same. Besides, it gives something us old codgers can relate to. After all, we're the ones with disposable income who are buying the eventual DVD sets and other junk (although fathers say they're buying it "for their son").

Anyways, "Iron Man: Armored Adventures" runs on ...umm..I think it's Nickolodeon (might be "NickToons") on primetime Friday nights. Episodes are being added to Comcast's "onDemand" feature, as well.

Comics (in)Fest

2009-04-21T10:55:00.003-06:00

Denver had an event called "ComicsFest", last weekend and it was a little bit of a disappointment. Located across the street from a concurrent Sci-Fi fest, it was basically some vendors and a few c-level "creators". I steered clear of the Sci-Fi fest, but of course a few of them wandered over (even some dork in a Klingon costume).

"ComicsFest" was set in a room about the size of the average garage, with room for one person to walk down each aisle. It was very hard to look through each vendor's comics. Especially when everyone was wearing a winter parka..and some with giant backpacks. I sorta' felt like I was suffocating.

Outside the room, they had the "creators" crammed in a hallway. Again, ONE person could pass through. The only name I recognized was Mike Baron, and he was selling autographed trade paperbacks of his stuff. A buncha' zombie and vampire artists, too. Including some chick who was the "star" of a direct-to-DVD feature called "Zombiez in my Colon" or some crap. Uh huh...I'm sure her clothes stay on through the entire film.

The admittance fee was WAY overpriced and the staff was worthless. I was stupid and actually asked to pay for an admittance wristband. Nobody checked wristbands and I could've walked right in and saved myself ten bucks. The guy who took my money was all sorts of stupid. He didn't explain what I was paying for, I had to ask him for the freebies (all of TWO folded/stapled pamphlets), where the main room was, and if I could have a bag.

I spent 17 bucks and got 48 comics. Mostly the random cheesy junk that I like. Although I went to one dork and sifted through his 50 cent box... I picked up a recent "justice league of america" so I could have some more hate-fodder. The guy immediately jumped on me and said "If you want an autographed version of that, we've got one! Cuz' we MET Brad Meltzer!!!" The man had waited his whole life to brag about that worthless fact.

BFD...I've met Sgt. Slaughter, ya' schmuck. I don't get the whole fanboy "We've got autographed comics" deal. I mean, if I have an issue of Amazing Spider-Man, I want it autographed by Spider-Man. Since that's impossible, I don't want my comic signed by someone who is NOT Spider-Man. That's like getting the production man at Topps Baseball to sign an Albert Pujols baseball card. Although my buddy and I did find a Superman book that was "autographed" by Clark Kent.

Better organization and a larger venue and this "ComicFest" could be something worthwhile. All the money they spent on getting shitty vampire artists could've been applied to organization and a better facility. The fan-base is there, but the organizers are apparently uber-cheap and went with the cheapest ballroom they could score. On the positive side--at least it wasn't a Super 8. Not everybody can be San Diego Comic-Con, but even when that was starting out, it was located in a fairly sizable downtown hotel.

Shorties: Ricky Steamboat & Shane Douglas vs. Big Sky & Vinnie Vegas

2009-04-17T11:06:00.003-06:00

Keeping with WWE 24/7's March theme of "Large and in Charge" (aka: "fat guys"), this match is currently airing under "Shorties". It's from WCW Saturday Night on March 6, 1993. Douglas and Steamboat are the reigning WCW World Tag Team Champions, while Vegas (everyone's pal, Kevin Nash) and Sky (everyone's favorite Sabretooth from "X-men") are two random tall dudes teamed together.

While it's good for variety, you have to wonder if they could've dusted off something a little more interesting. The entire match features Vegas and Sky just pounding on Douglas. Douglas eventually escapes by performing three of the most awkward somersaults I've seen. Usually, this spot works well for the babyfaces: they quickly somersault under the heels and make the Hot Tag. But Vegas and Sky are both out of position and have to WALK OVER to Douglas, then make a concentrated effort to stop and STEP OVER him.

You'd think Douglas' escape would lead to a comeback win for the champs. Vegas and Sky were nothing exciting, so a clean loss wouldn't have hurt them. But, the Hollywood Blondes team of Brian Pillman and Steve Austin knock Douglas off the top turnbuckle and cause the DQ. Steamboat eventually chases them both back to the locker with a steel chair.

Like I said, it's good for variety, but not much else. Jesse Ventura and Tony Schiavone are on the sticks, though. They're not bad at all, yet Jesse gets in an amusing comment that causes Tony to lose it. Jesse is talking about the "the two big boys in the ring, Sky and Vegas. And speaking of two big boys-- howabout that Missy Hyatt?" It takes Tony a few seconds to piece it together... but then he laughs as he gets the punchline.

Twotter

2009-04-01T14:10:00.003-06:00

I can never figure out the popularity of some crap. Hell, it's been almost 18 years and I'm still mystified why Kurt Cobain and Nirvana became popular. The latest trend that I can't grasp is Twitter.

Hate Twitter. The Padres/Mariners game had their field correspondent "twittering", last night (it was simulcast through MLB Network). After the game I checked out her twittering feed, since she was kind of a cute broad. But it was completely worthless gibberish, like "8th inning. Did you see that play? Hope to get interview". It would've been more interesting if had been titled "Twotter" and she was could have described what her ho-ho was feeling like at any particular moment.

A few months ago, the late lamented Rocky Mountain News sent a reporter to Twitter the funeral of a 3 year old boy killed in an accident. Pushed the limits of taste, but in included such insightful crap like: "10:33 am- dirt is thrown onto coffin".

I kinda' hate Twitter because it's dumbing down "journalism" and bringing Internet "sites" down to the lowest common level. Most Twitter feeds have poor spelling, awful grammar (stuff like: "your hot" or "it would of been a good idea") and halfway-formed random thoughts. The basic gimmick is that Twitter doesn't want you to think before posting something. It's the latest way to archive verbal diarrhea on the Internets.

Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling - 11/25/81

2009-03-31T14:17:00.004-06:00

Tuned in for my second consecutive installment of Mid-Atlantic. It was pretty much the same as the first. Modern fans like to bitch about how current program can run for 30 minutes without showing an actual match....well, this episode went up to 20 minutes before showing a match. When they did show a match, it was another remote Tommy Rich jobber squash. Followed immediately by more remote footage of Angelo Mosca. In fact, it may have been the exact same Mosca match from the previous episode.

This reminded me of how repetitive pre-1990 shows used to be. You'd go for WEEKS, seeing the same replays, interviews and run-ins from previous shows.

But one match featured Blackjack Mulligan and Jake Roberts vs. Charlie Fulton and Nikolai Volkoff. The cameras completely missed Mulligan finishing off Fulton, as they zoomed in on Jake drop-kicking Nikolai out to the floor. Funny thing, but Nikolai was wearing his old USSR skullcap-- or swimmer's cap-- or flight helmet, for the entire match.

Most of the focus of the first half of the show was on the upcoming 1982 Cadillac Tournament, with Sgt. Slaughter and Roddy Piper chiming in, again. Mulligan even said he'd be interested... after all, Sally Mae and everyone back at the ranch in Texas were in hard times and they needed something to help pay the mortgage. Some of the old blue-collar themes that made old rasslers so popular.

The second half seemed to focus on the ongoing Roddy Piper/Ricky Steamboat issue. But overall, it was to drive fans to an upcoming houseshow in Charlotte, which would feature Steamboat and Roberts teaming up to face Piper and Ole Anderson.

There was also a "Pvt. Jim Nelson" squash worked in. Where Nelson was very much a protege of Slaughter. Nelson was much more mobile and active than the stompy/kicky lump he became as "Boris Zhukov". For instance, he started off with a quick waistlock into an underhook pinning combo.

Noticeably absent from the show were Jay Youngblood and Wahoo McDaniel. Slaughter seemed to tie-up his issue with Wahoo, saying how it was over because Wahoo never answered his challenge. Not sure of the details, but it made it seem like Wahoo had left the area, at least temporarily.

Ric Flair cut a promo for the Charlotte show, pumping his bout against Ray Stevens. Flair threw in a warning to Ole Anderson. Just seemed weird to hear Flair at odds with one of the original Horsemen.

I wasn't into this episode, too much, but I like how they're airing them in chronological order. The main crop of Slaughter, Piper, Ole, Steamboat, Roberts and Mulligan (both Jr and Sr) is excellent.

Farewell to Space Battleship Galactica

2009-03-24T11:01:00.006-06:00

I wasn't a hardcore fan and didn't discover it until the third season, but "Battlestar Galactica" ended on a satisfactory note for me. Big ol' battle and no plot threads left dangling. Although, I kept thinking we would be given a final swerve and a "Planet of the Apes Ending".

For example, when they showed Bill Adama sitting on top of the field, then cut to little Hera... I thought she'd stumble over something buried in the ground. Something that had evidence of current 21st century techology (I dunno..maybe a cellphone, circuit board or a VW symbol). So instead of being in Earth's past, as we were led to believe, they were really in the future.. after mankind had destroyed itself once again.

But that would be SUCH a dark ending. I'm glad it ended how it did: on a hopeful and happy note. Also tied into the original series' intent, of how they were supposedly the Egyptian "gods" and/or started life as we know it on "Earth".

Nice touch how they played the theme music from the original series as Sam Anders flew the fleet into the sun. I think that was the first time they paid homage to the old music since the very first episode.

I can see how there could be disappointment over not explaining Starbuck's return. I was okay with it, but I'm curious why that Leoben Cylon guy wasn't seen. I was expecting some explanation of why he was so fascinated with her. Or why he freaked out and ran when they discovered Starbuck's corpse on the burned-out "Earth", earlier this season. After that scene, he essentially evaporated from the show. I didn't really care for the character, but after giving him such prominence in Season Three, I expected more from him in the end.

Oh..and "Chief" Galen Tyrol say he'd be on a island, somewhere far north, away from people? My guess is that Tyrol (who was known to be pretty handy and could command a work force) gave birth to the legend of Santa Claus!

There was a mix of spirituality in the ending, of course, as mentioned in the final scene with Virtual Baltar and Caprica. I'm pretty much an atheist and I didn't have any faults with it. I don't think there's a definitive answer to spirituality...and that's probably the point. What is the "higher power" that humanity likes to define as a creator? There is no definition of it, it's up to us to decide how to grasp it. We might try to define it, but we never really define it. Sure, that's ambiguous, but it makes sense to me.

Think about it in the content of Baltar's speech in the CIC. When he said something how "God is a force of nature. But good and evil are things that we define". So the message I got is that there's something out there...but it's open to our interpretation.

I know they're supposed to produce spin-offs and other crap, but I couldn't care less. Yet I'd be totally on-board for a spin-off show of Bill Adama and Saul Tigh sitting on a couch and shootin' the shit. Those two codgers MADE the entire series for me. Old Guys Rock and I'm now okay with getting old, gray, wrinkly, fat and even losing an eyeball. Every time I burn my Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, I always mutter in my best Saul Tigh voice: "mmm...frakkin' toaster!".

So thanks for 2.5 years of fun, SciFi Channel (I started watching in Fall 2006). You can now keep airing ECW, Ghost Hunters, House of Frankenstein and other Stuff That I'll Never Watch.

Oh--and if you missed the finale, I'm sure you can hit Hulu. Or, if you have Comcast's OnDemand, it's available there as well. It's hidden under "The Cutting Edge" category. Then select "SciFi" and you should see a listing of the last 4 or 5 episodes. Very handy thing and the way I got into the series in the first place.

Language Crutches

2009-03-20T09:26:00.005-06:00

Just as the 90's had "Don't Go There" and "That's What She Said", we now have two new over-used supposedly witty and trendy cliches, both completely devoid of relevance and humor. I'm talking about:

"Yeah, especially in this economy"

-and-

"I'm That Guy"

Both have a few variant editions floating around. For example, there's "even in this economy" for #1. But the pertinent element is that it always has "in this economy".

#2 has quite a few versions, as well. Like: "I never wanted to be the guy who leaves at 9 and goes home to sleep. But, yeah, I'm now That Guy". Or, "The one who shoots her mouth off, I don't want to be That Girl".

Radio adverts use 'em. Newscasters use 'em. Shitty Bloggers on the Internets use 'em. You could create a running game on how many times you hear similar phrases during the day. First one to 100 wins a Kick to the Groin.

So clean up your vocab and, please, do NOT use these cliched crutches. Cuz' you don't want to be That Guy, especially in this economy.

Watchmen: Special Lights and Music Edition

2009-03-12T15:21:00.008-06:00

After countless reprintings of the "Watchmen" Trade Paperback, it's nice that DC and Warner have teamed up for yet another version; one that's easily viewable on a giant movie screen, has music, and requires no reading!

If you liked the Watchmen comics...errrr, graphic novel, then you'll probably like the movie. If you didn't like it.. well you can probably figure out that version of the equation, Pythagoras.

The final ending was tweaked a bit, but it actually works well and feels more...symmetrical. The comic book's giant alien squid seemed out-of-left field to me. The new cinematic ending ties things together a bit more.

Also, I'm sure a lot of geeks will consciously or subconsciously cream themselves after seeing THE ultimate fanboy fantasy scene: banging a hot chick in your heromobile while she keeps her skin-tight black vinyl boots on. The whole thing only works if she keeps the boots on. It was an okay scene, until it included the stupid "joke" of switching on the flamethrower to simulate a climax. I heard a lot of audible groans in the theater at that point.

The "Watchmen" movie is similar to the Lord of the Rings movies in it's nature. Just as many scenes in those movies were meticulously translated from the Tolkien books, the same effect is in play, here. Even the bruises on Rorschach unmasked face seemed to be identical to their original printed inspirations. So if you ever want to read "Watchmen" again, just save yourself some time and see the movie. Pretty much the same thing, only you'll get some music.

World Baseball Big Bacon Classic

2009-03-11T11:06:00.007-06:00

Maybe it's an embedded meme in my brain, but the term "World Baseball Classic" always makes me think of the dearly departed Wendy's Big Bacon Classic Value Meal #4. Man, I miss that thing. $4.59 of pure artery-hardening bliss! They should bring that combo back for the duration of the World Baseball Classic; just slap a WBC logo on the french fry box and I'd have a pants-creaming lunch break.

But I've been checking out a few World Baseball Classic games on the new MLB Network. Just like 3 years ago, it appears that MLB is once again airing their own version of the NFL's Pro Bowl-- a worthless exhibition with no relevance. No offense to the exuberant fans in Puerto Rico, but we don't seem to care about the thing. Especially when Sidney Ponson is leading the charge for a WBC team. Yet I do like the name of "Sharlon Schoop" on the Netherlands team. He plays shortstop, but with that surname he'd be better as a first baseman.

It's also a little peculiar to me how the USA team was seeded in a relatively weak bracket. Perhaps making up for the US's embarrassing belly-flop in the tourney, back in 2006? Without doing much research into the brackets and rosters, the avergae baseball fan could assume, in any tournament, that Puerto Rico, USA, Japan and Cuba would make the finals. So far, that seems to be the course.

While it might be a novelty to see rainbow-colored uniforms and weird exhibition games every 3 years, the WBC has a ways to go before it gains any relevance. If there was a way to take the previous season's four NLCS and ALCS teams into the tourney, that'd be interesting. Scheduling (late October) and/or off-season roster shuffling would make that impossible, though.

But at least the quality of play in the WBC is better than the "Carribean Series". MLB Network aired that thing, last month. After years of thinking it was something special, I tuned in to see dropped pop-flies, misplayed balls and weak at-bats.

A primer on Triumph and Tomorrow Woman

2009-02-24T17:16:00.003-07:00

A budyd emailed me asking about DC's Triumph and Tomorrow Woman, both of whom have apparently been featured in the current "Trinity" series. So, not one to waste a decent email, I thought I'd share with the class:

1-- Triumph was created around 1994 and he's sorta' like Marvel "Sentry". He was rectonned to be an early member of the JLA...but he was wiped out of existence and completely forgotten. He was "lost in time" or some weird crap. He came back in the mid-90's and was a good guy for a bit. He even joined the JL:America or Justice League Extreme. He disappeared from DC around 1996 due to Lack of Interest. He came back again in 1999/2000 in "JLA" and had been brainwashed by an evil imp (Q'xl or whatever..an old Aquaman villain, sorta' like Mxyptylk) to be a bad guy of sorts. But he ended up becoming good, again, but soon fell victim to Lack of Interest. He was also used, recently, in "Brave and the Bold" and had apparently had a son.

2-- Tomorrow Woman was created for a JLA one-shot, circa 1998 as a new member of the JLA. She became a member, but it turned out she was just a robotic spy from Professor Ivo and T.O. Morrow. But she rebelled against her programming and "died" a hero (sorta' like Wonder Man in "Avengers", way back in 1965).

Nightwing finally gets "killed"!

2009-02-19T12:09:00.002-07:00

I haven't been paying much attention to DC lately, yet I wasn't surprised when I picked up Nightwing #153 in my hold box, last week, and saw the tagline: "FINAL ISSUE" on it. The book's been a downhill train without direction for the last 100 issues or so. I was always amazed that "Azrael" got to 100 and I'm disappointed that in 153 issues, "Nightwing" actually out-sucked "Azrael".

What started out as a satellite Bat-title soon became a completely unnecessary title, period. The first 24 issues or so set up Nightwing's Bludhaven as a Triple A Gotham City, yet not without it's own unique appeal. Writer Chuck Dixon established a quirky little corner for Nightwing; a character who had mooched off of others for almost 60 years (namely, Batman and the Teen Titans), finally had his own mythology and realm.

Nightwing was originally sent to Bludhaven to pursue remnants of Black Mask's "False Face Society", but soon ran into Electrocutioner, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Brutale, Lady Vic, Stallion and others. All capped off by the obligatory "master villain": Roland Desmond the Blockbuster. After being enhanced by DC's 1995 crossover "Underworld: Unleashed", Blockbuster had become a super-powered Kingpin of sorts. And it worked. Mix in the corrupt Bludhaven PD, including Dudley Soames and things got really interesting.

Soames soon became one of the most gruesome villains in comics history: "Torque"...basically a guy who had had his head twisted around 180 degrees...and survived! With his head screwed around, Torque was in the vein of guys like Two-Face. Soames eventually ran into "Nite-Wing", a violent, overzealous dorkbag who wanted to become a superhero.

That got us to issue 25 or so. It was around that time that Dixon ran out of ideas. Soames and Nite-Wing seemed to almost take over the title, with their constant inclusion. A short interlude involving the retconned villain Shrike (hey, now THERE'S a character DC seriously needs to work with) was the only reprieve. For well over 100 issues, "Nightwing" lingered.

Around issue 120 or so, DC wanted to kill off the character of Nightwing. But fans revolted and the execution was passed over. DC re-launched Nightwing two or three times since with new directions for the book. All of which stunk and made Archie Superhero Comics seem like works of art.

The latest was a hack named Peter Tomasi who included lame dialogue that seemed to be copied from Wikipedia. Such as a master villain explaining how a woman's uterus produces a baby (really). He also worked in some of the shittest one-liners since a Lorenzo Lamas movie. Example: a water tower ruptured, sending water spewing below. Nightwing's "witty" remark was: "I guess the Beach Boys are in town". Ugh. In a later issue, when Nightwing was fighting some of Ra's Al Ghul's flunkies, he drove over them with a Batmobile and said: "welcome to Bowling for Ninjas".

Beach Boys and Bowling for Dollars references. Pretty sure those haven't been relevant since the early 70's. Not to mention that they weren't funny then, either.

So now Nightwing (the title) is being axed. Frustrating because the character of Master Dick/Nightwing has been extremely popular among fans for decades. Yet nothing of substance occurred in 153 issues of his long-awaited title. Now the character is being shuffled off DC's current "Battle for the Cowl of Batman" stuff.

He's right back to where he started: mooching off of others.

Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling - 11/18/81

2009-02-18T09:49:00.003-07:00

No idea why this randomly popped up on WWE 24/7, but I'm glad it did. From late 1981, it doesn't feature great matches, but a lot of good ol' fashioned angle-development fun.

Matches/interviews of note:

Jay Youngblood vs. Tony Harris
Pretty sure Harris was a young Black Bart. He was allowed to get a fair amount of offense in, but in the end Youngblood made the Spinach Comeback, chopped him and got the pin.

Special Interview with Sgt. Slaughter
Sarge introduced tape from the previous week, when Wahoo McDaniel complained about Sarge ducking him. Sarge was pissed, offered to put his US belt on the line against Wahoo, then ran to the ring and demolished a jobber. All the while, yelling for Wahoo. Also of note: Sarge was accompanied by "Pvt. Nelson", a young Boris Zhukov.

Special Interview with Roddy Piper
Claimed he was the baddest dude in MACW, etc. He showed a past clip, where he ran into Ricky Steamboat's match and dropped him with a blindside elbow.

Special Look at Tommy Rich
Taped from a different promotion, as Rich pinned a jobber. Bob Caudle and Sandy Scott were excited about new talent coming into MACW and wondered how to get more. Which segued into...

Special Interview with Sandy Scott
Scott's plan: offer a new $17,000 1982 Cadillac to attract new talent! They planned to give it away, somehow, be it in a battle royale or a tournament. This brought out the unofficial heel alliance of Ole Anderson, Roddy Piper and Sgt. Slaughter. They all expressed interest in the Cadillac, with Piper saying he'd sell his Grandma to the Huns for $17,000. Sarge also offered to wrestle his mother. This led into...

Special look at Angelo Mosca
Footage from the WWF of "King Kong Mosca" and his manager Lou Albano beating up a jobber. Scott then said how cool it would be to have Ole, Piper, Sarge and Mosca all in the ring at once, competing for a Cadillac.

Special Interview with Jay Youngblood,Ricky Steamboat and Jake Roberts
Steamboat contradicted Piper's early claim...then showed the rest of the match and how he rebounded from Piper's attack to win the match. Also kinda' funny how Jake Roberts was wearing a cowboy hat and playing up his Texas heritage.

Ricky Steamboat & Jake Roberts vs. Super Destroyer and the Grappler
Like a lot of folks, I remember Steamboat and Roberts and blood enemies from the WWF in 1986...so it's weird to see them as partners. Everyone went toe-to-toe with basic 'rasslin until Ole, Piper and Sarge all invaded the ring area. Super-D and Grappler were then DQ'd and the babyfaces cleared the ring. No idea who this Super-D was, but he was wearing blue n' gold. Pretty sure Grappler was the real deal of Len Denton.

Also, interspersed throughout the show were local promos for an upcoming card. Fun stuff, as we got to see Jimmy Valiant, Blackjack Mulligan, Jr. (Barry Windham) and an odd tag-team pairing of Jay Youngblood and Ray Stevens.

Overall, the show had a great cast of characters and some vintage old-school angles. 24/7 has been tossing up some random episodes of territorial promotions for the past few months, and these have been somewhat of a treat.

Crisis on Earth-Selig!

2009-02-13T15:22:00.005-07:00

Bud Selig Might Reinstate Hank Aaron as Home Run King

Look, Hank Aaron is an American icon and all, but resetting the records isn't a good idea or a "fix-all" to MLB's steroid mess. It's like a dead beat, cheating, abusive dad thinking he's clear just because he got an anullment.

The inflated records are-- for better or worse-- baseball's stigma. It has to live with them, as penance for ignoring the problem. While suspicions of steroids have existed since the 80's, Bud Selig was more concerned about fixing that awful problem of a tie in the All-Star Game.

You can't wipe it clean and get a fresh start. You made your bed, now lie in it.

But someone could argue: "well, that devalues the purity of the game and nobody will ever be able to break these records". However, you could also argue that having these tainted records could possibly inspire future players to work harder and do it "the right way". I know... such an outlandish idea.

Besides, let's say you DO set about erasing all steroid homeruns from the record books. Using Bonds as an example, you'd have to go back and wipe out all of his offensive numbers.

Well, what if those numbers actually helped win a game or inflated someone's ERA unfairly? Okay...let's adjust those too.

Well, whattabout standings? I mean, Barry Bonds' homeruns, when mapped out, helped the Giants win an additional 10 games in the 2002 season (total estimate, just for the sake of argument). Well, the Dodgers finished 3.5 games behind the Giants in the Wildcard race, that year. Umm...shouldn't the Dodgers retroactively be cited as the Wildcard winner, now (or eventual NL Champ)?

Whattabout that pitcher whose ERA was unfairly inflated by a McGwire, Palmeiro or Bonds? Hmm, checking stats, he might've won the Cy Young that year. He could call his agent and sue someone for grievances and an unfair working condition. "Due to steroids, my client was unable to attain substantial financial compensation for his efforts".

In short, it could be a statistician's nightmare to simply "erase" any numbers.

Once again, MLB and Bud Selig made this mess. They'll have to live with it. We, as fans, had to live with it..and we can't go back and give ourselves a lobotomy to pretend we didn't follow or cheer for these 'roid clowns. This is reality-- not DC Comics-- you can't simply white-out what you don't like with a "Crisis retcon".

WWF Prime Time Wrestling- Jan 12, 1988

2009-02-11T10:36:00.005-07:00

Caught this on WWE 24/7, last night. I don't have total recall of every little segment, but here's the gist of it:

Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Paul Roma (w/Jim Powers)
Joined in progress, right after the bell. Which leads me to believe that this match was taped when the Hart Foundation were still tag champs and that Hitman had a belt with him. It was probably a "roadblock match", from around the time the Young Stallions "stole" the Harts' supposed theme song of "Crank it Up". Also a little funny that while Powers is seconding Roma, Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart is nowhere to be found. Anyways, Hitman dominates about 75% of the match, although Roma gets in some minor offense, including his nice flying forearm/fist drop from the corner. Roma makes a comeback, but it's quickly killed when Hitman catches him in a backbreaker, then flies off the second rope with a diving elbow to get the pin. Wow, the Stallions were made out to be complete pussies in this match-- Hart had no trouble dealing with both of them (Powers tried to get involved once or twice) and easily wiped the mat with Roma.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Steve Lombardi
Pretty much an early squash for Warrior, although Lombardi controls for a bit. Stragely enough, Warrior also comes out to "Crank it Up". Nick Bockwinkel and Gorilla Monsoon call the action, as they mention Lombardi was a "graduate of the Terry Garvin School of Self-Defense" and how he patterned himself after Garvin and Pat Patterson. Ick. Bockwinkel then keeps taking points off of Garvin and Patterson as the match proceeds. Warrior blasts Lombardi with a powerslam off the ropes, then stops the cover, so he can gorilla-press-slam him and pin him with one foot.

Back in the studio, Gorilla and Bobby Heenan take more shots at Lombardi. Brain asks: "why didn't he pull Warrior's hair when he was up in that gorilla-press?" Gorilla answers: "well, he was in a compromising position at that point". Brain fires right with: "shyeah! He's been in a lot of compromising positions!" Yow...that works on both a kayfabe and behind-the-scenes level!

KoKo B. Ware vs. "Iron" Mike Sharpe
Sharpe, on his neverending quest for redemption fails once again as he can't make it over the "S.D. Jones Hump" and pin anybody about that level. When asked for comment, Sharpe said: "Yaaaaaaaaaa!" Koko wins convincingly with the Ghostbuster piledriver/suplex.

WWF Update with Craig DeGeorge
A recap of the recent dog-napping of the British Bulldogs' mascot, the lovable Matilda, by the dastardly Islanders. WWF Pres Jack Tunney declares the Islanders suspended without pay, until Matilda is returned.

Highlights of Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy from SNME
From the January 3, 1988 SNME, where Hogan finished off Bundy. A rematch from the November 1987 SNME, when Bundy beat Hogan by countout. Essentially, this match ended Bundy's first WWF tour, which lasted for about 3 years. But the big shenanigans occur after the match, as Andre the Giant entered the ring and choked out Hogan. Strike Force, the British Bulldogs and Jake Roberts can't break Andre's grip on the Hulkster! "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan finally breaks it up with his 2x4, but it also appears that Andre was simply done, for now.

A Very Special DeGeorge Podium Interview with Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil)
DiBiase isn't used to not getting what he wants. Even though Hogan turned down his offer to buy the WWF Championship, DiBiase has hired someone who will give the title to him: Andre the Giant! Back in the studio, Gorilla chides Heenan for selling out and abandoning his dream of someday managing the champion. Heenan doesn't care, as he's satisfied with simply having a championship manager's payday. Gorilla warns him that all the money will go back if Andre doesn't beat Hogan. Hmm...don't think that point will ever brought up, again.

"Leaping" Lanny Poffo vs. Danny Spivey
Joined in the progress of a BEARHUG, which instantly tells me to hit the head or get a snack. Spivey wins with a reverse neckbreaker (think: "Rude Awakening") after Poffo misses a drop-kick

A Very Special "Mean" Gene Okerlund Interview with Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
Gene plugs the "Rumble Royale", then brings in Steamboat, who will be squaring off against "Ravishing" Rick Rude at the event. Steamboat says he's been sitting at home the past six months, but now he's back and ready to make a mark. Ehh....according to who you want to believe, Steamer worked a good chunk of matches from June to December 1987, he was just off of TV.

Heenan blasts Okerlund for calling the "Royal Rumble" the "Rumble Royale". He also refers to Steamboat as "Mr. Mom". They plug the upcoming FREE event some more and name the participants in the Rumble. Bam Bam Bigelow is announced, but he'll end up skipping the match. I'm wondering who replaced him... maybe Tito Santana? They also mention that the Rumble will feature a "face-to-face confrontation" between Andre and Hogan. Yet they don't mention the upcoming "MAIN EVENT".

Cowboy Lang vs. Lord Littlebrook
MIDGET MATCH from Paris, France. Lang actually comes out to "Crank it Up", as well! Littlebrook: "ayyy-yi-yi-yi-yi-yiiii!" Since it's a midget match, we get the obligatory butt-bite. Littlebrook finally wins by hooking the tights. This match was given TWO whole segments....but, as Heenan might say, it still came up short.

Brady Boone & Billy Jack Haynes vs. Demolition (w/Mr. Fuji)
Boone's filling in for the injured Ken Patera. Lots of pounding, although Boone and Haynes work pretty well as a team. Smash gets the pin with his "stun-gun" top-rope drop on Boone. Funny point, but there's no ringcrew, so Demolition has to carry their own masks, chaps and jackets back to the locker with them. Like Bundy, I think this was the end of Haynes' WWF tour.

Well folks, that wraps it up for this edition...

"Youngblood" Set to Sell 8 Movie Tickets

2009-02-10T10:47:00.002-07:00

Sad, but true... someone is looking at developing the 1992 pile known as "Youngblood" into a movie. Complete with shoulderpads, catcher's masks, poofy hair and tiny ankles:

Youngblood movie at Variety.com

What cracks me up is how the report calls it "an iconic graphic novel".

And I'll officially lose all hope for you guys if someone comments: "Yes! This will rule!!"

All Hope.

Visit (the Walgreens in) Denver

2008-09-26T14:02:00.002-06:00

On the way to lunch today I was once again reminded of something that needs to be any Denver Tourism Brochure-- the Walgreens at 16th St. and Stout. Sure, it smells like ass, the aisles are crowded and you shouldn't be caught dead buying any of their snack food... but it is the unprecedented Top Spot for People Watching. I'm surprised it wasn't highlighted with all the DNC propaganda that flooded the city, last month.

I can't do it justice in print/blog... so just trust me on this. If you ever visit Denver make about 15 minutes to stand outside this Walgreens on a weekday. I guarantee you''ll find something to snap a cellphone pic of. It might be the 45 year old "punk" dressed in a heavy leather jacket on a 92 degree day, the enterprising bum selling free papers "to help the homeless", or the annoying turd playing the flute while Lynyrd Skynyrd tunes blast on his boombox...but you'll find something.

Delete After Posting

2008-09-25T11:36:00.003-06:00

Caught the new Coen Brothers flick, "Burn After Reading", last night. First off, this is not a drop-down, pants-pissing, snort-enducing comedy. While it is silly, most of the laughs come from the quirky mannerisms and antics of the characters. Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt are clueless health club workers who completely flub over a blackmail plot based around what they believe is "important shit". George Clooney is a goofy government worker who likes to wear his pants high and run through the city. John Malkovich is a recently laid-off CIA guy, looking for some purpose in his life while constantly dropping f-bombs.

But inside the story is a melancholy look at the middle-aged years of life. How the paranoia, obsession and fear over becoming old can drive someone to act strangely. Even incredibly stupid. That seemed to be the recurring theme and can help you dissect each character's motive throughout the flick.

Sure, there are some hilarious parts-- like when Brad Pitt and McDormand first reach out, via phone, to Malkovich's character-- but if you're looking for a comedy, you might be better off with something like "Pineapple Express".

Prime Time Wrestling - 09/01/91

2008-09-17T09:14:00.002-06:00

Caught this on WWE 24/7, last night and didn't feel it was worth an actual article. The date on this is up for debate, but for all intents and purposes, this was the first PTW after SummerSlam'91. At this time, Prime Time was had a live audience and studio guests--- it was sort of like a combo of "TNT" and "Superstars of Wrestling".

The broadcast started out with Bobby Heenan frantically running through the production booth, making sure everything was in order for the arrival of "The Real World's Champion, Ric Flair". Heenan got off a buncha' one-liner insults, as he slammed random members of the crew. "Nice hat... pull it down over your face!"

The studio host was Sean Mooney and surprisingly enough, he was quite adept at moving the show along, making relevant statement and playing off of both Heenan and the crowd well. Completely different from the robotic announcing he did in the "Events Center", or while announcing a match with Lord Alfred Hayes. He had about a two months run as host of the show and it was probably his best work in the WWF.

Matches included:
-"The Dragon" (Ricky Steamboat) vs. Colonel Mustafa
Decent little match that I recapped a few years ago. Dragon won with the high-cross body.

-Bushwhackers vs. Duane Gil & Barry Hardy
Guess who won?! From "Superstars". The Beverly Brothers cut an inset promo and introduced the Genius (Lanny Poffo) as their new manager.

-Hercules (w/Slick) vs. Phil Apollo
Return to singles competition for Herc, as he easily won with the backbreaker. I don't think "Power & Glory" appeared, as a team, on the nationwide WWF shows after SummerSlam '91

-Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart vs. Brooklyn Brawler
Another ring return, as Anvil had walked out of the "Wrestling Challenge" broadcast team. Nothing heel-ish...he left because he knew he'd lose his temper and deck the Brain if he stuck around. Real reason: Anvil on the stick STUNK. Anyways, quick match as he wins with a powerslam.

-Big Bully Busick (w/Harvey Whippleman) vs. Jim Powers
Before the match, Busick harassed the ring attendant and pulled his tie off. Oh, I see...he's a BULLY! They had a little gimmick where Busick was the muscle who would push guys around, so the wimpy Whippleman could make fun of them. Like the nerdy kid who gets a dumb jock or ruffian to be his psuedo "bodyguard". The role was a bit goofy, but worked well for both of these clowns. Busick won with his stump-puller submission. Powers was still coming to the ring with his OLD "Crank it Up" theme music.

-IRS vs. "Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich
Not a bad match, as Irwin could work when he wanted to. There's an MSG show from October 1991 on WWE 24/7 right now which features a pretty damn good match between Irwin and the British Bulldog. This match isn't as good, obviously, and features a lame DQ win for the Tornado, when IRS grabs the ref.

-Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka vs. (Pat) Tanaka (w/Mr.Fuji)
Joined in progress, as it was mostly punchy-kicky. Snuka won cleanly with the Superfly Splash. Nice to see Snuka got a win of some substance in 1991. Even if Tanaka was a nose-hair above jobber at this point.

-Warlord (w/Slick) vs. Mark Thomas
Another squash from "Superstars". I wonder if this Mark Thomas was the guy Rowe referred to as "Art Thomas" in his latest 1993 RAW recap? Had an in-match promo, as Warlord and Slick talked about challenging Bret Hart for the IC belt. I don't think they ever followed up on that program, as Bret soon went into a feud with Da' Mountie.

They also showed two brief clips of the SummerSlam 6-man tag (Bulldog, Dragon & Tornado vs. Orient Express & Warlord), plus the ending of the IC title match between Mr. Perfect & Bret Hart. Both were just ways to promote the Coliseum Video release. Can't forget the spots promoting the Hulk Hogan Hotline, either.

In-studio guest were the Undertaker & Paul Bearer, Ric Flair and the Legion of Doom. Paul Bearer showed off "photographs" of Elizabeth screaming at her wedding reception. They also set up a dual feud of Randy Savage vs. Jake Roberts and Undertaker vs. Sid Justice. The first worked, the other never got off the ground.

The Ric Flair segment was pretty good for historical significance. At the time, it was very surreal to see Flair in the WWF with the belt, finally challenging Hogan. In fact, all of the live guests were former NWA guys (okay, so Percy Pringle was World Class).

The LOD promo was a gas, as both were decked out in Zubaz! Alfred Hayes offered congratulations from the Queen of England on winning thge tag team straps. To which Hawk replied: "well, if the Queen were here right now, both Animal and myself would give her a big hug...followed by a nice, juicy, big kiss....... just like we did before!" Only Hawk can make smooching that old bag sound cool.

One Phone call, two free nights...and a lifetime of annoyance.

2008-09-08T14:19:00.002-06:00

With the weather finally cooling down and the cops putting the heat on the irresponsible owner of the barking dog that lives behind my house, I had a good night's sleep on Friday. Like a log...for almost 10 hours. But I was awoken on Saturday morning by my old buddies: Superior Tour and Travel.

For the past three years, I've been getting phonecalls from them every so often, telling me I've won a "free trip". They called me last November and I bitched their asses out over the frequent calls. I told them to remove my contact info, talked to a "manager", told them I wasn't interested in their "free trip" and all that. I thought that was the end of it... until they called Saturday morning with the same fucking spiel they always gave me. (And before you tell me: yes, I'm on the national and statewide No Call List).

It all started back on the first day I moved into my house, in September 2005. I got a call from a vacuum sales company, asking to come by for a free demo. As a result of their demo, I would receive a "free vacation". So the vacuum clown came over, I told him to take off...but I got my "free vacation" certificate. I figured I had already gone through a sales pitch, so I was home free and could enjoy my "free vacation" in the near future. I thought THAT was the end of it.

I called to schedule it and arranged things for a stayover in Ft. Lauderdale in March 2006. It was really just two nights in some resort, but it helped me out on my annual GrapeFruit League Sojourn. But when I got down there, I was told I had to sit through a 4 hour sales pitch on buying a vacation home package. Oh shit.

Sat through the presentation-- which was more of a tour and not as painful as it sounded-- but I wasn't interested in the vacation scam and told them "no thanks". So I went about the rest of my trip and thought THAT was the end of it.

But then the calls from Superior Travel started coming. They said I had filled out an entry form during my time at the resort in Ft. Lauderdale and that I had "won a free vacation". The first time they called, I was suspicious, but decided to hear them out. Can't remember the details, but it involved putting out 500 bucks upfront, then getting a portion of it refunded after I had taken my "free vacation". I told them it was bullshit and said I would pass.

But the calls persisted. I can't tell you how many times I had been "selected at random" and "won" a "free vacation". Must've been a pretty small entry pool if I was winning every six weeks!

So after Saturday's call, I bitched them out AGAIN. This time I got a name and the company's address. These fuckers will not leave me alone. Like the person you once gave your number to, at a bar. You didn't care for the person, but they still have your number and keep calling you. For almost 3 years. If Superior Tour and Travel were a person, I'd file harassment charges.

I hope THIS is the end of it and I can get back to 8 hours of sleep on Friday nights.

Chop-block on Gmail

2008-09-05T14:45:00.002-06:00

On the random chance that someone's reading Da' Site and thinking about registering over on Da' Board...let's hope you're not using a GMail account as your email address.

Due to spammers, we require authentication on all new accounts registered. But in the last few months, we've been getting roughly 20-25 spam accounts with Gmail accounts, per DAY. Makes it a hassle when I log-in to check for new users and I see 139 Gmail spam accounts awaiting validation. Makes it tough to spot any new members who actually want to join and participate.

So I'm going to have to block all new registrations from Gmail accounts. If Gmail/Google improves their service and makes an official announcement, then they'll return. But for now, no Gmail. I don't think anybody on Da' Board has ever used a Gmail account as their primary email, anyways. If you have no other way BUT Gmail for your email....well, I can think of roughly 18 other ways to contact us outside of Da' Board.

Mighty Avengers #17

2008-09-03T10:25:00.002-06:00

This was an odd book. Turns out that the Skrulls have replaced Hank Pym twice, in recent years. The first (or latest?) Skrull Hank began to see flaws in the whole "Secret Invasion" plan and started to rebel against the whole thing. So the Skrull Dum Dum Dugan calls in a SHIELD beatdown on Skrull Hank. The ensuing fight is somewhat creative-- as Skrull Hank uses his shrinking and growing powers very well.

I'm not sure why they thought this story was necessary, though. We already had one "Hank gets replaced by a Skrull" story about two months ago. So another Skrull rebelled and was replaced? Okay...

Although it does clear up a scene from an early issue of "Mighty Avengers"; where "Hank" was boinking Tigra. To me, at the time, that seemed out-of-character for Hank. So I'm comforted to know that it wasn't the real Hank. Although we had a poster over on Da' Board, last year, who thought that a womanizing, "asshole Hank" was a great character. I really objected to that.

However...in the previous "Hank gets replaced by a Skrull" story, the real Hank WAS sleeping around with a young British woman. So I'm confused... why absolve Hank of one demerit, but keep the other? Just haphazard characterization and writing. Hank had a very well-handled descent into tragedy, circa 1982. Since then, he's been on the redemption trail. The Hank Pym in "Ultimates" was NOT the Marvel U Hank, and I think most fans (and personnel at Marvel) don't get that.

Comics: Best of the Box!

2008-07-31T14:27:00.003-06:00

As I'm winding down E's GI Joe Comic Index and after another trip to the San Diego Comic-Con, I've come up with a new gimmick that should keep me entertained for the next year or so.

I was reading The Onion at lunch today and they ran a local article covering "6 Greatest Graphic Novels of All Time". The usual bullshit was included: "oh, Watchmen, Maus and R. Crumb are so great...yadda yadda... let's suck the respective shlong of these books for the 8 millionth time in creation". Usually I enjoy The Onion's occasional forays into comic books, but this was complete and utter CRAP. Have a fucking original thought.

Sure, I enjoyed Watchmen, but I have weird tastes. I like cheesy/shitty superhero fare by the Big Two. So how would I select MY personal faves from my collection of crap?

Well, it turns out that I've been re-locating all 33 of my longboxes this summer. Just moving them, temporarily, from my upstairs studio to the basement to avoid the summer heat. So why not go through each one and pick the BEST book of each longbox? My favorite, or the one book I would save, if I had to sell that specific box.

When I'm done, hopefully I'll have spotlighted 33 books that I actually ENJOY. Plus, it'll be a good step in possibly clearing out my memory banks and remembering some of the reasons why I read this type of junk.

I'm curious to see what my selections will be. Each "best of the box" pick will have some unique selection criteria, too. For instance, my "Avengers" collection spans two boxes-- with most of the Silver Age classics packed in one box. All 33 boxes are arranged in one gigantic alphabetical order, so there should be some interesting picks. For another instance, I know one "T" box is filed with about 200+ issues of 1950's "Tarzan" comics, plus other assorted non-noteworthy crap. I'm not sure what I'll pick from that box.

Inside-the-parkers

2008-07-21T23:52:00.003-06:00

An inside-the-park homerun is usually a rarity in baseball. But this year I've seen TWo of 'em, live.

Back in June, I saw Jeff Baker hit one while I was at the Rockies-Indians game. Just last Friday, I saw another Rockie, Seth Smith, hit one against the Pirates. Very weird, because in all the baseball games I've seen in-person --probably 200 or so, dating back to 1992-- I've never witnessed an inside-the-parker. Now, this season, I've seen two. Closest I had seen was a double with a two-base error, during a Rockies-Pirates game in August 1995.

To add to the peculiarity, tonight I'm watching the Pirates-Astros game and Freddy Sanchez hits an inside-the-parker. Which makes me wonder: who was the last Pirate to hit one of those? I want to say Jason Kendall hit one, circa 2001.

Anything they won't release on DVD?

2008-07-12T02:15:00.002-06:00

Last weekend I was trying to condense my large VHS tape bookshelf in my basement. It has my old first-run WWF tapes, GI joe cartoons, Dokken videos and other crap I thought was preserving at some time. In my early 20's, I started a string of "superhero cartoons" where I'd get up at odd hours to record random DC and Marvel TV adaptations.

But now, most of the rap I recorded has been released on DVD. On top of making some vintage stuff available to the masses, it also has the added benefit of killling the bootleg market at comic "conventions". Good. I never bought such crap on the basis that I refuse to pay 30 bucks for 7 low quality episodes of "Aquaman" burned on a PC to some stooge wearing a skin-tight Count Chocula t-shirt.

So I've been throwing away some of my "Superhero Cartoon" tapes, as they've mostly made it to DVD. Stuff like: 1970's Super Friends, 1990's Batman and (soon), the rare The rare Hawkman, Atom and Justice League shorts have helped to clean out my lump of tapes.

It appears DC has done a better job in the DVD rond-up than Marvel has. Although Marvel did release the awesome Spider-Man- The '67 Collection a few years back. I've heard rumors of the old "Marvel Super Heroes" TV shows being released for years, now. Same for "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends" and even 1994's "Iron Man". I'd expect these will come along within the next five years or so. Unless there's some huge hurdle I'm overlooking (most likely, copyrights and royalties).

But I thought I found something on my VH tapes that would never make the conversion:

Birds of Prey - The Complete Series

Or, "Broads of Prey" as I used to call it (*rimshot*). This turkey was plastered all over bus stop stations and the ariwaves for weeks prior to its release. I was a casual reader of the comic and taped the pilot episode for giggles. I thought someday, when I was drunk enough, that I'd cue up that episode and do a scalding review of it on Some Awesome Website. Dammit...foiled again! Bah!

I guess I'll have to settle for the 1990 "Justice League" live-action movie or the Roger Corman "Fantastic Four" movie. But I'd better transfer them to DVD before the tapes dry up.

Step-off!

2008-07-07T14:48:00.003-06:00

Saw this in one of those "have a good day and SMILE" forwarded emails:

Cool idea and it'd be worth spending 50 bucks at Lowe's on some hardware to make it a reality. Just concerned whether or not it's structurally safe. If I hollow out two of my living room steps, will I one day hit the board wrong, then end up with my buns and calves in the basement?

I'll also need to check to see if my mammoth size 13 boats will actually FIT inside a drawer beneath my stairs.

DWS Secret Invasion at San Diego Comic Con!

2008-07-01T12:54:00.004-06:00

For the second year in a row, Da' Wrestling Site will be infiltrating the San Diego Comic Con. No booth or anything, but we will be passing out promotional postcards.

If you spot yours truly, feel free to walk up to me and receive your FREE Limited Edition CLAWHOLD, only available at Comic Con 2008! I'll be volunteering to work a three hour shift on Saturday, then attending like a regular schmoe on Sunday.

We're also attending the Padres/Diamondbacks game at PETCO Park on July 28. Same offer applies...but your FREE Clawhold will be somewhat less prestigious.

Blowjobs! They're in the fucking Bible!

2008-06-29T11:18:00.004-06:00

TIME magazine has a feature story this week that sounds like something George Carlin could've had fun with. Basically, some preacher (from the Bible belt of Memphis, no less) is saying that it's okay to have sex, lots of sex. No shit. They even cite a specific passage as a call for blowjobs:

From TIME Magazine

Genesis, chapter 2 verse 24, says a man "shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." But how liberally to define cleave? That was the very special Bible query the Rev. Stacy Spencer and his wife Rhonda took up last month with 252 married people at their New Direction Christian Church in Memphis, Tenn. And the Spencers' answer was ... encouraging. Does frequent sex have a place in marriage? Yep. Oral sex? Read the Song of Solomon 2: 3 for assurance. How about role-playing? One participant expressed a yearning to see her husband dressed as a police officer. The Good Book offers no specifics on that, so Stacy Spencer allowed that it was up to the woman, "as long as you're not lusting after a particular officer. Jesus talked about spiritual adultery, and that could be spiritual adultery. But if it's just a generic cop, go for it."

So no role-playing mentioned in the good book, but I've heard that beastiality is in there, somewhere.

I could hear the late, great George Carlin having some fun with this. Sex and religion seemed to be favorite sources of humor for him. I can visualize him on stage, saying "Howabout those blow-jobs?! Hey, they're in the fucking Bible!"

DC: more "continuity porn" (almost literally)

2008-06-19T12:21:00.004-06:00

I've heard the term "continuity porn" attached to DC Comics' efforts of the last four years. With their revered attitude towards 1982's JLA, dusting off old villains, then connecting almost all of their superheroes into a goofy "club".

But today, I was asked if the newest "Titans" series is simply an excuse to display Starfire and her orange goods. Long a favorite subject of monkey-spanking fanboys (and even Ambush Bug, if you remember her swimsuit pic from 1985), she's been conveniently losing her clothes and appearing in suggestive poses over the past few years.

So in that regard: yes, the new "Titans" series IS another excuse for Starfire "fanboy porn" (with clothes). Similar effects are being done with Black Canary, Zatanna, Power Girl and Phantom Lady. The next issue of "Justice League of America" that does NOT feature a gratuitous buns n' fishnets shot of Black Canary will be the first. Zatanna used to be a second-rate female Dr. Strange, but now she appears showing off her gams every chance she gets. Even appearing with a slutty garter belt at times. It's like DC's artists are all 13 year old boys, who can't afford the courage or money to buy "real" porn...so they make this pseudo-porn of "crappy superheroine sexy poses".

But what do you expect from a company whose iconic female character has run around for the past 70 years in a swimsuit with red hooker boots and a weakness for bondage?

It gets worse in the fan atmosphere. Do a Google Image Search of any DC female character and within in the first page of results you'll see something x-rated. Even someone as obscure as Flamebird can be seen getting jizzed or showing off her snatch. Look...we all have the Internets and if we want to see nekkid chicks, there are better ways to do it. Seeing Granny Goodness spanking Supergirl is just sick. Some latenight fantasies should stay tucked into a fanboy's mind.

As bad as this is, we haven't hit rock bottom. Yet. That point will be reached when we find an X-rated image of Amanda Waller. That big, booty-licious black broad with the body that won't quit....mmmmm.....

Crank up the Pumps

2008-05-15T16:13:00.004-06:00

It's impossible to go a day without hearing some news-douche complain about "rising costs at the gas pumps". Or how the terrible reality of paying 30 bucks more a month has led...gasp....a family to clip coupons and buy generic milk!!

I'm actually hopeful for the rising gas costs. Simply because I want people off my fucking roads. Can't afford gas? Great... keep your frugal ass at home. You'll not only cut down on harmful emissions and save money, but you'll decrease the area's DoucheBag Quotient for the day.

Less traffic and gridlock will also lead to more effective gas mileage for every vehicle on the road. For example: with 1,000 less minivans and Chevy Tahoes on the road, that grocery delivery truck won't have to sit idling at each intersection and will make his delivery in a timely manner.

About 15 years ago, when I was in college and thought that I had half a brain, I came up with a plan to cut back on metro traffic. Everyday, it would take me up to 75 minutes to drive a measly 15 miles. Forget about getting anywhere on time between 7 to 9am or 4 to 7pm, because it wasn't happening.

Local authorities called for widening of highways and more mass transit... two lame brain plans, because one added more cars on the highway, and the second added more slower, ineffective vehicles (busses) clogging them more frequently. Have you ever had a bus pass you on the left? No, since they're usually backing up traffic in the right lanes.

So my revolutionary plan was to charge every licensed driver $800-1000 more per year, as a "drivers' fee". Sure, stuff like "car insurance" and "vehicle registration" could be considered that, but I wanted an additional fee on top of all of that shit. Like proof of registration, it could be displayed as a shiny dated sticker placed on your license plate. My belief was that some dipshit would want to save 800-1,000 bucks and would refuse to drive for the entire calendar year. One less ding dong on the road is always a good thing.

Now, with gas prices creeping up, it seems that my annual fee has arrived in a different form. Sure, I don't like paying more, but it beats the alternative (staying home all the time, starving, getting no nookie, having no job, etc).

But nobody's taking the cheap way out. I'm seeing more traffic, every single day. It's taking longer to drive those same 15 miles. Nobody's making an effort to avoid these supposedly awful gas prices. Pay 'em, keep going, sit in traffic and WHINE. Nothing short of Lord Humongous and his Wasteland Raiders will keep morons off the road.

So please, stay home if gas prices bother you. Give me 7 bucks a gallon and I'll take it. As long as it keeps SOMEONE at home. Like a wise, hockey-mask, S&M-wearing, freak once said: "just walk away...and this will all be over..."

The problem isn't high gas prices. It's whiny douchebags and morons. Again.

The DNC Supports Deforestation!!

2008-04-02T22:37:00.004-06:00

The Democratic National Convention is scheduled to fuck up...errrr.. hit Denver in late August of this year. As part of the city-wide cleanup, they're doing random things like filling potholes, cleansing the bums and other minor touch-ups.

One of these touch-ups was apparently chopping down roughly 50 trees in front of the Pepsi Center, where the event will be held. The Pepsi Center sits on the north side of Auraria Parkway, which has been a major artery into downtown Denver for almost 20 years now. In the middle of Auraria Parkway, for all of that time, has been a traffic island full of trees, strecthing roughly 200 feet. The island itself is about five feet wide and housed these trees well. They had a good effect on the otherwise dismal expanse of asphalt. They didn't make a mess, either.

But as of Monday, March 31, the city has been systematically chopping down all of them and making the traffic island as bare as Kurt Angle's dome. There was no reason for this, at all. Other than the fact that a TV camera crew can no stand on the island and provide a better profile shot of the Pepsi Center. Or maybe they cited "security concerns" and were worried that the EvilDoers of the World (tm George Bush) could hide in these trees and perpetarte Evil Deeds on our witless politicians.

If anything, cutting down these trees will increase traffic problems. The trees were quite dense and for the past 20 years no pedestrians could cross Auraria Parkway and wait in the traffic island. On any given morning it's not unusual to see traffic speeding into town on Auraria, doing about 50 MPH. Auraria separates the Pepsi Center from the 3-layered Auraria Campus (Communitty College of Denver, Metro State and CU-Denver). Now college kids have the opportunity to run across Auraria and fuck-up traffic.

Although I'm a registered Democrat, I'm not a tree-hugger by any means. While they looked nice, cutting down trees isn't what upsets me. What upsets me is that something that wasn't a problem was suddenly cited as such. Worse, the city is funding this worthless project, meaning that it's coming out of taxpayers' pockets.

But hey..the city's expecting to make a few million off of the DNC. Maybe they can use some of those funds to plant some new saplings in the Auraria Parkway traffic island. *Fart*

After Xmas shlop

2007-12-31T12:10:00.001-07:00

So I'm hanging out at Target the other day... I mean, who doesn't hang out there? Retail stores are typically bare after Xmas, but it appears that all the recalled Chinese crap has made the stores even barer than usual.

I was just there to get some dog food, but I ended up impulse-buying a radio controlled car for 7 bucks and the Heroes DVD set for 19 bucks. The remote controlled car is more fun that it has any right to be....mainly because I have hardwood floors and the thing just hauls buns on those. Growing up, I'd always see remote controlled cars, wind-up cars, and even Stompers on TV and thought they looked awesome. The commercials would always show kids playing with this crap on hardwood floors. I never picked up on that, back then. So I'd harass my folks to buy me some Stompers, then I'd get 'em home, open up and the things would just sink into the floors of my carpetted home, with no traction. This was back in the early 80's, when many homes still had shag carpetting. Try playing with your Stompers on that...they don't move. Hell, even my GI Joe MOBAT would sink into the shag.

Now, over 25 years later, I can finally open up a battery operated toy car and have the thing zip around my house.

I've watched the first few episodes of the Heroes DVD and it's allright, I suppose. People have been recommending the series to me over the past year, simply because I like LOST and comic books. It's not intriguing me, yet...but I've got a long ways to go.

What ticked me off was the first disc in the set. I popped it in and saw three options available to me: episode 1, episode 2 and a "director's cut" of episode 1. Having never seen the show, I figured I should start with the "director's cut" of episode 1...since it should have nifty stuff that fans have been clamoring for, right? But it turned out that it was quite different from the "official" episode 1 and had roughly two additional subplots that had no consequences in future episodes. Basically I filled up my brain with some crap I shouldn't have been paying attention to: like a terrorist subplot (including some guy called "The Engineer" who can emit radiation from his hand) and a prisoner in Moab, Utah. Plus, the "psychic cop guy plot" and the "precog art guy plot" were both significantly different. Only after watching the full second episode, did I realize some stuff didn't line up. So I had to go back and FF through the "official" episode 1. For instance, I realized: "hey, I thought that art guy had hacked off his hand, last episode?!"

I was a little miffed at how you had to have already seen the entire season before buying the "Season One" DVD. That kind of restricts any potential new viewers from purchasing the DVD. *Fart*

EPSN Classic late nights!

2007-12-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon ESPN Classic's (late)weeknight schedule the other week. They were running American Gladiators from 1990. The second season of Gladiators that ran in early 1990 with a revamped look. New look to the fields, better production quality and new commentator in Todd Christensen.

Pretty sure this was the start of Christensen's shitty broadcasting career. He criticizes everything, including the way contestants can't properly aim the Big Bazooka that Fires Nerf Darts. Very condescending tone, as it the average joe should know how to fire one of those things. Christensen apparently impressed somebody with his analysis of the Wall, Breakthrough & Conquer and The Eliminator, though. Later in the year, he was hired by the NFL to call regional games. So he took the same path to the NFL booth that his AG predecessor, Joe Theisman, did. Both sucked. Larry Csonka succeeded Christensen in the AG booth, but surprisingly he never made it to the NFL booth. (If he did, it was in very limited exposure). Kind of a shame, because I think a bulldozing Dolphins runningback who dented opponents' helmets would have more credibility than a Gimpy Redskins QB or a Raiders Tight End with Long Curly Hair.

The actual Gladiators show is enjoyable. This season featured Titan, a big powerlifter dude who never appeared again. He kinda' resembled WCW's Ice Train (aka "I.M. Smooth"). They also dumped the goofy "judge" with the executioner's hood from 1989 and went to retired NFL refs wearing standard zebra uniforms. Basically, they re-tooled the show away from the strange "kinda'/sorta' pro wrestling vibe" that it had in the first season.

ESPN's "Cheap Seats" follows American Gladiators, nightly. Hosted by two nerdy guys, it's like a sports version of Mystery Science Theater 3000. On Tuesday night, they goofed on some old IWA wrestling, circa 1981. Fun stuff, as they pondered just what IS the proper definition of a "Mexican Surfboard".

Goofy crap like this is why I loved cable in the 80's and early 90's: quirky late night stuff. Since about 2002, the late night quirky-ness seems to have died down, with the closest thing being old re-runs of "Twilight Zone" on SciFi channel. Glad I found something.

TNT - March 14, 1985

2007-12-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

Lately I haven't enjoyed the WWE 24/7 episodes of Tuesday Night Titans. But this latest episode contained some decent promos and hype for WrestleMania 2. Most significant, they only did ONE "Lord Alfred Hayes is so darn goofy" joke: a little bit where Vince McMahon kids him about never going higher than the first rope.

The recently arrived Jake "the Snake" Roberts makes his first TNT appearance and turns in a noteworthy performance. He mentions why he doesn't have to shout in his promos (he's confident enough that he doesn't feel the need) and how he relates to snakes ("they don't have or need any friends"). In his in-ring highlight clip, he hits the DDT (to no pop) then tosses Damien out on his opponent. But in the TNT studio, Jake has brought along Lucifer-- Damien's big brother. Neat trivia, since I always thought Lucifer didn't appear until Damien "died" at the hands of Earthquake in 1991. Was this 1986 Lucifer the same snake as the 1991 version? Or did one snake play all three parts? Suckas gots ta' know.

Smokin' Joe Frazier also comes on to promote the Roddy Piper- Mr. T WrestleMania 2 match (Frazier will be in T's corner). Frazier does some ...strange... promo work by messing around with a rubber chicken dressed up like Piper. They cut to the WrestleMania 2 Press Conference, where Piper cuts an awesome promo on Mr. T, citing the way he perms the middle of his mohawk. Lou Duva then comes up to add to the promo. Piper concludes with a semi-rascist bit about "I DO play Sun City". Definitely a contemporary reference, right there. If I remember correctly, Sun City is/was a casino town in South Africa that was strict anti-black. Alot of US performers refused to play there, as a way to protest Apartheid. Steven Van Zandt (Silvio from "The Sopranos") even organized an all-star jam track called "I ain't gonna' play Sun City".

Anyways, TNT ties up with some quality segments with the Funk Brothers, Big John Studd and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. For more trivia, they announce Dino Bravo as a particpant in the WrestleMania 2 Battle Royal (I don't think Bravo was even on the card). There's also a weird video on NFL'er Russ Franics. But darn if Steamboat doesn't seem like the nicest guy in the world. He slips in a lttle foreshadowing, too. Steamer's segment follows Roberts' and Vince asks him if he'd ever bring a dragon to the ring, like Damien or Lucifer. Steamboat energetically mentions that he's "looking for one!" I think the Roberts/Steamboat feud would begin right after WrestleMania 2.

Slut-o-ween

2007-11-01T14:50:00.000-06:00

So I went out to Denver's busiest meat market with some friends for Halloween. It's a country bar out in Aurora, well known for it's Wednesday's Ladies Night. In fact, over the years, several of my "chick friends" have given me dating advice consisting solely of: "go out there on Wednesdays, you'll meet someone".

On Halloween night it resembled a Vegas sex convention. Or at least a convention for fetishes. All of the standard slutty outfits were there: dirty cop, Pocahontas, farmer's daughter, school girl, Wonder Woman, etc (regretfully, I didn't see anybody dressed up as the Baroness. Dammit). Although some broads had passed the Legal Weight Limit for certain costumes. It's a little telling that all of the adult stores around town have been advertising themselves as "your Halloween Headquarters". So Halloween is now a chance for women to slut it up. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

On the male side, I was mildly thrilled that the wretched "Pimp Daddy" costumes have died down. Only saw three of 'em. From about 2001 to 2005, that seemed to be the favorite costume among schmucks in their 20's. The joke's old and wasn't funny to begin with, but it looks like most of the populace has moved past it.

Oh, since this is a wrestling site; I saw one guy dressed up as Macho Man, with the cowboy hat, glasses, tassles and everything. When he walked by, I yelled "snap into a Slim Jim", but he looked at me like I was a mutant. Also saw a guy in a Rey Mysterio mask. But his height ruined it-- he was about 5'9". I like how luchador masks are becoming more abundant and accepted into pop culture. I even saw a guy in an Ultimo Dragon mask in Lodo on Saturday night.

I was going to wear my Chippendale's Dancer costume...but I get tired of wearing my old work clothes and wanted something more whimsical.

Sad State of the Work Force

2007-10-19T13:59:00.000-06:00

One of the reasons I rarely carry cash nowadays: I'm out at lunch today and the total is $5.39. So I hand the guy a 20 dollar bill and 40 cents. He's okay with the 20, but he stops and can't figure out the coinage issue. He stammers a little bit and tells me: "wait...is not enough". I tell him that is it. He still can't figure it out.

So I have to count out the quarter, dime and nickel to him. I have to tell him that a quarter is 25, the dime is 10 cents, and that the nickel is 5 cents. Grand total: 40 cents!! He seems boggled by the nickel, since it's larger than the dime, yet worth less.

Basically, they had a full-grown first grader running the register. Unless I'm at a bar and need to tip a hot waitress in cash (or a strip club for that matter), there's no reason not to whip out the plastic and charge everything.

Bill Romanowski: Professional Jackass

2007-10-17T09:38:00.001-06:00

Bill Romanowski's football career was usually controversial, but now that he's retired and off the field, he's found his latest calling in life as a Professional Jackass.

I'm not sure WHAT Romanowski does nowadays, but about once a week, he appears on Denver radio, babbling about something. Keyword: "babbling". He'll call in to some radio show and talk about a book he's writing, how he's playing a gay cowboy in some movie, or just about football. People seem to give him a free pass, since he played on the back-to-back Donkey Super Bowl teams.

His football "analysis" is usually something like this: "they... PLAY well. And right now, they're EXECUTING well. Those are two things to being ...a GOOD team". He has those little pauses in his speech, too. It's also not helping that his voice sounds about two steps above a mentally challenged mongoloid. Every Romanowski segment should be introduced as a "Very Special" segment. In other words, if they had a Special Olympics for pill-popping, jaw-breaking and spearing, he'd be a Very Special Winner.

It was (roughly) 20 Years Ago Today...

2007-10-16T16:24:00.000-06:00

With the Rockies now in the World Series, I'm kinda' hoping the Indians make it on the AL side. Reason: it's been about 20 years and Cleveland needs a new reason to hate Denver. Rich Karlis and Jeremiah Castille are now likely forgotten by the current generation of Clevelanders.

When the Rockies open at home with Game 3--and if it's against Cleveland-- it's a no-brainer who they should get for the ceremonial opening pitch. Hint: he has a bad haircut, a gimpy knee, used to sell cars, and does commercial for Arena Football.

Oh yeah-- after the Rockies won the NLCS, TBS wrapped things up with their studio crew and signed off. Local news stations cut in, showing the drunken mob that was rambling outside Coors Field. Just a buncha' stupid college kids psuedo gang signs and hollering into the camera. I don't know why any reporter thought it'd be good to interview these tools, but it went like this:

Drunk Tool: "Woooo, Rockies!!! Yeahh...Woooo"
Reporter: "How does this feel to have the Rockies win?!"
Drunk Tool: "yeah... Woooooo! Rockieeeeees! I jush turn 21, man... wooooo!"
(Repeat)

A small mob got up on top of a police cruiser and dented the hood. That's just asking for trouble. But these pussies soon dispersed after the cops yelled at them. Although one kid was yanked off and probably hit some blacktop. No tear gas or Soylent Green Scoops, either. Darnit.

Hippies of 1983 Represent!

2007-09-19T16:02:00.000-06:00

Every now and then, I'm reminded of why I was never into baseball until 1990. My geographic location had something to do with it, but alot of the players from the 80's never appealed to me. Mostly because they all looked like old men from a Boston concert (the band, not the city).

Last week, I picked up a cheapie "Ralston-Purina" baseball card set on eBay. It features 33 cards from 1984 (stats & pics from the 1983 season), with a good selection of Hall of Famers: like Eddie Murray, Jim Palmer, George Brett, Ozzie Smith and Steve Carlton. Plus some of the forgotten stars of that era: guys like Dan Quisenberry or Ron Guidry. Sort of like an All-Star Team selection process, they make sure to pick a guy from every team, which explains how Dave Concepcion or Greg Luzinski got included. I figured I could've spent 10-20 bucks to get "real" cards of the Hall of Famers...or the two bucks I spent here, to get all of them plus their forgotten contemporaries.

But check out Eddie Murray, rockin' the bushy fro' and Harley Race mustache:

Here's an example of Bruce Sutter rockin' the "Old guys at a Boston Concert" look.

Mr. Sutter, please schedule an appointment with Mr. Norelco at your earliest convenience.

Now, when I think "Purina", I think of dog food. I had forgotten that they had a line of kiddie cereal back in the 80's. Dog food...and kiddie cereal. Hmmm. The back of each card includes a line that tells kids to look for more cards in boxes of Cookie Crisp or Donkey Kong Cereal. Wow. Another thing I had forgotten about: Donkey Kong Cereal.

Garage Space: $1.60 per year

2007-09-11T09:50:00.000-06:00

For the past year I've been saving aluminum beer and pop cans in my garage. Roughly, I'd say that they take up the same space as two trash cans. They've been getting in my way recently, so yesterday I decided to take 'em to the "Recycling Center" at my local grocer.

I thought I could just drop 'em off at the big "Recycling" sign at the back of the store. But nope, I had to haul all my cans into the front door and bug the main clerk. Getting a hysdirectomy would've been easier..and I'm not even female. They weighed the cans and it wasn't quiet at all. Everyone in the store knew that I was there with a gigantic load of empty Diet Coke with Lime and Bud Light cans.

Then the big pay off: $1.60.

After keeping this crap in my garage for a year, hauling it to the store and making an ass of myself, I get a dollar, two quarters and a dime.

Fuck my carbon footprint.

If I want to keep cans anymore, I'll do what I used to do. Fill up one plastic grocery bag and toss it in the back of my truck. When I get to my parking lot downtown, I'll grab the bag and leave it by a trashcan. Some homeless hobo will find it within the hour and appreciate it more than I ever would. So in a roundabout way, panhandlers will be cleaning out my garage.

Would You Say That I Have ... a Plethora?

2007-09-06T16:16:00.000-06:00

Checked out the log files on my site today (not DWS, not this blog...but my main site) and I'm starting to get them: the Stupid Denver Broncos Website Referrals.

I shouldn't complain, since I've been #1 on Google for awhile with the term "Denver Broncos 3 Amigos". As expected, around this time of the year I get lots of football referrals. Most are for cheerleaders, though. Those I don't like.

I've had a fun summer away from football and it's getting harder to keep it away. I opened my newspaper this morning and it had a full page picture of Jay Cutler's grill. I enjoyed my quality time watching baseball games and reading comic books this summer. But now it's time to go back. Another season of interviews from overrated douchebags talking about all the "talent" on the team. People in the office are already dropping by my desk to ask ol' "Coach E" what he thinks about Simeon Rice or Travis Henry's 9 children from 9 wives.

I'm sure by Halloween I'll be absorbed in another season of this junk. I'll miss my nights of pondering worthless stuff--- like trying to remember the name of the villain who kept wanting to freeze the world on "General Hospital". Now I'll spend my nights wondering whether or not that third-and-goal play was the best option.

Aww hell... March is only about six months away.

Evil Airport!!

2007-09-05T10:32:00.000-06:00

Westword, the local "alternative press" freebie rag published an interesting read on Denver International Airport. Here's the link, but I'm not sure how long it'll be archived on the site.

Basically, the story talks about all the weird conspiracies theories that have sprung up since DIA was opened in 1995. Symbolism from the Freemasons and weird murals that warn of an upcoming collapse in civilization. The airport is said to have a cavernous basement that will be the center of the New World Order (not Hogan, Hall and Nash). Some even insist that reptilian aliens live under the airport. Aliens who have their insidious talons in every level of Western government. The story also mentions one conspiracy theorist who tied the airport to the Denver Broncos (no exact citation of this theory, but there's my GoogleQuest for the week).

Great stuff. If Denver really is slated to be the center of the world, then I suppose my property value will increase dramatically (for those arriving late: I live just south of Denver). Too bad it's all a buncha' BS.

I've been to the airport countless times and while its giant canopy and removed location are weird, its ubiquitous theories are based on the sheer oddity of everything. Especially the art in the baggage terminals. It was a joke when I was going through art school in downtown Denver: how the city dished out grants to random artists. Artists who developed their works independently. When it all came together and the "art" was installed in the terminals, it looked disjointed and haphazard. This led many to believe that there HAD to be a theme to all this random weirdness.

Stuff like stone gargoyles sitting in open luggage, or an 18 foot mural of distorted "multicultural" kids looking over a big leafy thing. It's really just crappy art.

The subterranean commuter trains of DIA were a shock to many. I was freaked out when I found out I couldn't walk to the outer concourses, I had to go to the basement and take a train. A train that played goofy flute music to announce arrivals and departures. Inside the tunnels were weird "wind art" sculptures that would twinkle or twirl as the train went by. Add that on top of the unconventional canvas terminal, the removed location from Denver and the countless delays in the airport's opening, and people were just freaked out to be at DIA. The airport's opening was delayed by roughly two years and way over budget. So people figured all that money had to go somewhere---why not an underground complex to house aliens?

I really wish some of the theories were true. It'd make driving 40 miles out of my way to catch a flight seem like an adventure. Instead it's an inconvenient sojourn just short of the Kansas border.

Batman #667 (DC, 2007)

2007-08-15T09:48:00.001-06:00

I thought this was acceptable. They're re-visiting an old 1950's concept with the "International Club of Heroes"-- a buncha' foreign heroes similar to Batman and Robin. Right now, they're being played up as comic relief (including a guy named "Wingman" who claims to have invented the Batman concept), so next issue will be key, as that's presumably when they'll flesh these losers out. Seems like a tough challenge to take the 50's/60's cheese and make it relevant, or at least in continuity.

Right now I'm liking this, even if the plot is a complete rip-off of old mystery movies (a mysterious figure appears via radio, tv or letter and says something like: "I've invited all you gentleman here to my mansion. Now, prepare to explore my house and be hunted!"). Or, if you remember the "Seven Little Superheroes" episode of "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends"--it's like that. Or, to prove that I didn't waste all my time in high school doodling in the margins and thinking about which cheerleader I'd jerk off to: it's like Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None".

Oh, here's the aforementioned Spidey episode:

Leading the AL West in CPS

2007-08-03T10:30:00.000-06:00

After two days at Comic-Con, I went up to Anaheim and saw an Angels game. It was a Sunday night stinker, with the Angels blowing out the Detroit Tigers 13-4. Tigers starter Jeremy Bonderman gave up something like 10 earnies in less than 3 innings. The sun was blasting my seat out in right field, so it wasn't until about the 5th inning that the shadows moved in and I was able to pick up the ball.

I thought it was amusing that the Angels retired numbers are displayed on a bathroom wall in the right field concourse. I figured Bobby Grich would've been one of the retirees, but they had Nolan Ryan, Rod Carew, Gene Autry, Jimmie Reese, Jim Fregosi and Jackie Robinson. I like the local "Ring of Fame" or retired numbers, since they usually honor someone who is virtually unknown to visiting fan. I had never heard of Jimmie Reese until Sunday night. The Angels' official website has this to say about Reese:

During his 23 years, he built a reputation for being the most prolific fungo hitter in baseball.

Well there ya' go.

Angel Stadium also leads the league in the all-important CPS category. That's "Cleavage Per Seat". They've passed Oakland A's spring training games for having the hottest female fans per square foot. A little odd, since it was "Kids' Night" and the place was full of hot broads in their 20's, walking around, showing off the goods. Even during a 13-4 laugher, there's still something to see in Angel Stadium.

The Angels have been doing quite well since Mike Scioscia took over in 2001, but if they ever begin to falter and attendance starts to lag, some savvy marketing would save them. All they have to do is make their traditional nickname more prominent: The Halos. They could market themselves as "HALOs: Baseball Evolved".

Another thing I learned at Comic-Con is that video games are extremely popular. I'll bet that "Halo Guy" is probably more well-known and popular among males 16-30 than "Vladimir Guerrero". The Angels would have to modify their uniforms a bit, but it'd be a huge merchandising cash cow for them.

38th Annual Black T-Shirt Convention (San Diego Comic Con)

2007-08-01T10:29:00.000-06:00

I know...you've all been so damn concerned about where I've been (I know who all THREE of you are). From last Thursday to Monday I was out in California to see the San Diego Comic Con. I really hate using the term "Con" for anything, but it's a widely used term out there. Say "Comic Con" and all the locals know what you're talking about.

If you've been reading Da' Board, you might have read some of my ramblings. I threw some pictures and stuff up there, but here's some more for you lazy clickers:

--If you ever go to Comic Con, don't try to act "normal" or "cool". The Convention Center is about six square city blocks of geeks and all things geeky. Don't worry about being embarrassed by going. You're there. Enjoy it. I'm pretty sure that the shirtless scrawny guy dressed up like a video game character is feeling more vulnerable than you.

--It's the one weekend of the year where comic professionals get to feel like rockstars. Imagine the broads who leaked in their pants over the Beatles, circa 1962 and you'll get the vibe. I don't follow creators, just characters.... so the idea of waiting in line for an hour to get a shitty promo poster signed by the writer of Teen Titans didn't appeal to me.

--I got three custom sketches of Green Arrow by 3 different artists. Didn't wait more than 5 minutes for each. My first choice of subject was, obviously, Ace the Bat-Hound, the namesake of my pooch. But they all had no idea who I was talking about. So I went with GA....but they still weren't sure how to draw him. One guy (I think he was Rod Reis) seemed to have a real struggle with Green Arrow. So he drew a basic character head, scribbled a goatee and some backpack arrows on it. Weak. I haven't seriously attempted any figure or superhero drawing since about 1996, but watching them up-close inspired me a little bit.

--I was a little disappointed that most seminars/ presentations /dog n' pony shows would run small trailers for their movie. Stuff like that I could've waited to watch on YouTube in a week. Example: I was in line for Rob Zombie's new "Halloween" movie, but became bummed when it was just a trailer. Zombie himself came out and babbled for a little bit, afterwards. In that regard, it was kinda' cool to think "Hey, I just saw Rob Zombie pump up his new movie".

--However, I did manage to see full showings of the new "Doctor Strange" animated movie and the new "Bionic Woman" pilot. I enjoyed "Strange", but "Bionic Woman" was a little tough for me to digest. It's apparently done by the crew of the "Battlestar Galactica" remake and featured several cast members from that show. I don't know the actors' names, so I called them: "Chick Who Plays Starbuck", "Guy Who Plays Chief" and "Guy Who Plays Baltar's Lawyer". Whenever one would show up on screen, fans in the audience would immediately whooping and holler.

--Coincedentally, I saw "Guy Who Plays Chief" in some booth on the main floor. He was wearing an Anthrax "I am the Law" Judge Dredd shirt, so I thought I'd drop in and maybe get his autograph for my big bro. But...he would only sign autographs on crappy action figures being sold by that company. Oh well. Overall, the autograph thing was creepy. A lot of c-level "celebrities" selling stuff. I felt bad for some of them. Mostly Virgil (yes, THAT Virgil) and someone named Crystal Allen, who apparently played a Green Chick on a Star Trek episode. Marc Singer (Beastmaster) was there and he was hella' creepy.

--Best seminar I attended was "Quick Draw", hosted by Mark Evanier. It was a bit like "Whose Line is it Anyway" with three artists: Sergio Aragones (GROO), Scott Shaw (Capt. Carrot and POST cereal) and some other guy who I forget (stuff I forget). Evanier would present a question or gag and each of the artists would draw their answer to it, on a big screen. Funny stuff. Final gag was "smarter than George W. Bush". The other guys drew a dunce and Alfred E. Neuman. Sergio drew a simple two-celled amoeba. Anything Evanier hosts is worth checking out. He's very knowledgeable about pop culture and comics and is quite witty.

--If you do, don't expect to find good deals on comics. Last time I attended Comic Con was in 1995. It was about 85% comics. Now it's maybe 25% comics. You can still find dealers, but the majority of the crowd is there for the Hollywood, video game and TV stuff. Spike TV, Best Buy, Paramount, Capcom and Sony kinda' crowd out "Joe's Comic Barn". I bought maybe 8 comics, total.

--Nothing's really "free" anymore. At Marvel's booth, you had to fill out a survey, sign up for their mailing list and get your badge punched to receive ONE promo comic. I don't want to sound like an Old Man, but in '95 I could walk into any booth and come away with 10 free comics. This year, everybody was selling stuff. 25 bucks seemed to be the going rate for anything. Even promo posters were for sale, or else you'd get one free after a long wait in line. I get tons of free promo crap every week for all kinds of stuff (t-shirts, posters, hats, preview DVDs, you name it). So I guess I was numb at the chance to get some "free" advertising material.

-- Cool purchase: bought Usagi Yojimbo #1 from Stan Sakai himself, for the very reasonable price of five bucks. Also found Avengers #66 for the over-priced tag of 14 bucks. I took it over to Roy Thomas, who was signing stuff at the Alter Ego booth. Thomas seemed like he could ramble on all day about old comics. Good for him.

--LOTS of tourists go for the Hollywood stuff and to get free crap. That's good, since it spreads awareness of comic crap to the public.... but rather sad because nobody knows who Clint Barton or Piotr Rasputin are. They're there to see Gwyneth Paltrow or Robert Downey Jr (by the way, I was jazzed about Marvel Studios' "Iron Man" and "Incredible Hulk" preview session)

--You know what the best part was? The people. I'd be waiting for something and start talking to the people around me. Think of the "single serving friend" from Fight Club. Met all kinds of interesting peeps. Just bullshittin', cracking jokes and telling stories. I'm usually a rather shy guy, but the entire trip I was talking to everyone. I met a graphic designer from New Zealand, a psychic medium, an MST junkie from Minneapolis, a wrestling fan from LA...all sorts of people. When I think back on this trip, that's what I'll remember most.

--All in all, it's a good time to be a nerd.

Sonic Boom?

2007-07-17T17:04:00.000-06:00

I'm a big fast food fan. Coast-to-coast, border-to-border, around the world, I know I can walk into a Wendy's and order the #4 Big bacon Classic Combo. And I'm good.

Burger King, Carl's Jr, Chick-Fil-A, Steak Escape--- hell, even KFC and Taco Bell--- are haunts that I frequent. I'll even eat at Checkers or Hardee's when I'm on vacation. But I don't get Sonic at all.

That's the one fast-food joint I've been to where I've never been able to finish a meal. Seriously, their stuff is fucking gross. I gave 'em a chance about two years ago and ordered some fancy-dan burger for lunch. Ended up up-chucking it into the garbage can. Embarassing. For both Sonic and me. My Stomach of Adamantium has tolerated just about everything. Except for Sonic.

But everybody else seems to love Sonic. We'll be cruising along, pass a Sonic and someone will excitedly say" "ooo! Sonic! Let's go there!" People who rag on me for my Burger King love are mysteriously drawn to Sonic.

So I'll pull in and see $3 hotdog platters on their menu. Plus tater tots with chili on 'em. And milkshakes in styrofoam cups. The mere mention (plus the included PICTURE) of said items sends me to the little boy's room, searching for the porcelain altar. I mean-- Tater Tots? Sonic must be single-handedly keeping Ore Ida in business. I've had a jones for some good ol' fast food french fries or onion rings at times. But I've never gotten a telegram from my tummy saying: "Hey E, how'bout we go out and get me some fuckin' tater tots!! Mmm mmm mmm!"

I like Sonic's commercials. Two guys sitting in a car. One guy says "whoa, this is a good burger! I'm gonna' tell all my friends about this!". The other guy says: "umm...I think you just did". That's hella' funny.

I like the setting and gimmick of Sonic. Pull into this quirky looking joint, then order at your window and eat in your car, like a 50's burger shop. That's cool.

But the food? Fuckin' awful. I just don't get it.

Seemed like a good idea at the time...

2007-07-11T23:14:00.001-06:00

About a month ago my mouse died. The computer kind, not the rodent kind. I strolled through the electronics stores and couldn't find a typical $5 old school mouse, so I went ahead and purchased a cordless optical type. I figured that'd be a slight upgrade and one less wire on my cluttered desk.

The friggin' thing eats batteries at an insane pace. It ran 18 bucks and I've already spent 8 bucks on double A batteries. I haven't blown through batteries at this rate since I used my Walkman on my newspaper route in eighth grade.

I'm not certain that this is "good technololgy". A wireless mouse is a spiffy idea, but becoming reliant on batteries is an enormous deterrent. I'd like to see the roller in the mouse generate power as it moves. Like those "crank 'em up" flashlights they sell as impulse-buys at retail stores. So I'm sure someplace like Sharper Image or Brookstone has such an animal. Retailing for 84.95, natually.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

2007-06-23T23:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, so it's very easy to make fun of this movie. It's just not... what're the words?--very good.

This reminds me of the FOX Marvel TV movies that were around in the late 90's. Generation X, Nick Fury and whatever else they did. Felt more like an episode of a syndicated FF TV series than an actual movie.

Two things I found silly:

1-- in ALL movies, the alien invaders always make sure to fly past scenic landmarks of the world. Like, the pyramids, the Washington Monument or the Great Wall of China. So I guess all aliens are really tourists at heart. "Zeb, destroy the earth!" "Well, before we do, let's cruise by the scenic sights and snap a few pictures".

2-- This is scraping, sure. But it seems goofy to title it "RISE" of the Silver Surfer. He's flying in from outer space, so he's not really rising from anything. I imagine the marketing department sat around and that was the best they could come up with. I mean, "the Coming of the Silver Surfer" would've been closer to the comics, but you know that name wouldn't fly at all.

The FF, to me, have never been straight-up superheroes. They're more like "Lost in Space" or the 1970's "GI Joe Adventure Team". So alot of online fanboys are slamming this movie because it lacks depth, meaning, symbolism, etc. C'mon...it's the frickin' Fantastic Four, not Citizen Kane. The FF has always been stupid and this movie is, expectedly, stupid.

Minor spoilers: Galactus is never shown (a 30 foot tall purple n' pink Shogun Warrior wouldn't seem too menacing to the non-fanboy movie audiecne), Jessica Alba wears wayyy too much makeup and while Dr. Doom's characterization is correct (think: "If there is power to be had, DOOM must have it!!"), his personality is still goofy (example, he says: "oooh..that's nice" when testing out new powers). Johnny Storm seems to get alot of screentime and there's even a new version of Frankie Raye.

It's okay for 90 minutes...basically like watching a cartoon. Don't expect much and you'll be okay.

TNT December 12, 1985

2007-06-19T09:46:00.000-06:00

Tuesday Night Titans (TNT) is something I'd recap more often, if the show's formula wasn't always the same. But I liked last week's episode on WWE 24/7. Main reason: Magnificent Muraco.

He gets better everytime I see him. If he was around today, he'd be over, huge, me thinks.

I liked how he was introducing the cast of "Fuji Chan"...and completely skipped over and no-sold Mel Phillips, deliberately. Muraco had a great egotistical/arrogant slant to his character and his promos are usually decent.

Four matches are seeded throughout the talk show segments. Scott McGhee pins Les Thornton, Hercules Hernandez beats Mario Mancini, Magnificent Muraco pins a jobber in a JIP match, plus Fabulous Moolah (wrestling as "The Spider Lady") pins WWF Women's Champion, Wendi Richter to win the title. Controversial bout, as Richter's shoulders didn't appear to be down. Rumor is that the WWF screwed Richter out of the title, similar to the way they did with Bret Hart in 1997. Richter's post-match antics add to this: she tries to "attack" Moolah, but Moolah suddenly begins no-selling and walks away. Richter then acts all pissy and tries to grab the belt back from the ref and Moolah.

The Herc match may have been one of his first TV appearances in the WWF. His in-studio segment is kinda' sloppy. Fred Blassie accompanies him as his manager and does most of the talking. Blassie calls Herc a "Latin" and goes into a rambling mode about how he discovered him in Mexico, beating up people. Vince and Herc both seem to be cracking up while Blassie is ranting. Blassie didn't have the funny zingers like Bobby Heenan did, but his delivery always came off as humorous.

Oh yeah, was there some connection between Moolah and Fred Blassie? They always seem super-friendly with each other whenever they're on-screen. In this show, Blassie plants a big smooch on Moolah, then has his arm around her while they're sitting on the TNT couch for the rest of the show. It's prefectly understandable that they'd be good platonic buddies.. but did they ever get it on, back in the day?

Lick my StubHub

2007-06-14T10:54:00.001-06:00

I have to wonder: does anybody actually buy tickets from StubHub?

Their Google ads are all over the place, but if you actually visit the site, the prices are insane. We're talking 55 bucks for a Kansas City Royals game in mid-August. Their business model is sorta' like "eBay for sports tickets", allowing regular schmoes to post tickets for sale. But I've never seen prices below face value there. eBay's become synonymous for finding neat crap for cheap. StubHub looks like its target market is the CEO who drops a couple grand on sports tickets to schmooze someone.

Look, your Royals, Grand Rapids Rampage or even Dodgers tickets are not Hot Commodities. Unless you have tickets to some sort of championship game (and one that doesn't involve the Cleveland Cavaliers), your tickets-- probably not worth much.

Karaoke Kurse

2007-06-05T09:37:00.000-06:00

Ever since I moved in September '05, I've had trouble finding a good neighborhood bar. My old 'hood sucked and was full of drive-bys and murders, but at least I had a good bar out there. Within walking distance, decent prices, hot female bartenders, trivia on Saturday nights, big enough to seat about 300 people and the DJ would play Clutch when he saw me.

Over here, it's a nicer 'hood, but the bars absolutely suck. Main reason: every bar around here has fucking KARAOKE about every night. In my quest to find a new bar, I tried another a new one on Saturday. Guess what, it was Karaoke night....again. This was probably the bottom of the barrel for me, since the bar wasn't within walking distance, had dumpy/skanky bartenders and was full of people in their 40's and 50's.

Now, I can't sing due to this Old Football Injury, but you haven't really reached hell until you've heard some vocally challenged douche sing "Your Momma Don't Dance" while you drink watered down Bud Light. "Highlight" of the night was some Mario-lookin' muthafucker singing "Careefree Highway" by Gordon Lightfoot.

Next time I feel the need to go out and drink on a Saturday, I'm taking the risk by driving across town to my old bar. It takes awhile to get to it and I might get shot... but at least there's no Karaoke.

ATM fight

2007-06-01T14:33:00.000-06:00

Almost got in a fight at the ATM today. I'm sitting there for a few minutes, in the empty hallway, filling out my deposit envelopes and endorsing checks on the table right next to the ATM. Nobody has walked past me for the entire time. Then, when I'm ready to use the ATM, some douche pops out of nowhere and is SURPRISED that I'm going to use the ATM.

"Oh..you're going to use this?! pfft"

I said: "yeah...sorry. Think I beat ya' by a few seconds" as I open my wallet and take my ATM card out.

He says: "I don't know if you did! Yuk yuk!"

My Asshole Alarm goes off and I cock my head to one side. I step back, right as I'm about to insert my card, I pack up my wallet, and say "ya' know what..." . He gets all nervous and says "I was just giving you a hard time, heh heh". I say "it's yours" and leave.

That was my passive aggressive moment for the day.

numbah one post from Denton, TX

2007-05-24T11:44:00.000-06:00

Grandma was actually the first to use the clawhold.