I've heard the term "continuity porn" attached to DC Comics' efforts of the last four years. With their revered attitude towards 1982's JLA, dusting off old villains, then connecting almost all of their superheroes into a goofy "club".
But today, I was asked if the newest "Titans" series is simply an excuse to display Starfire and her orange goods. Long a favorite subject of monkey-spanking fanboys (and even Ambush Bug, if you remember her swimsuit pic from 1985), she's been conveniently losing her clothes and appearing in suggestive poses over the past few years.
So in that regard: yes, the new "Titans" series IS another excuse for Starfire "fanboy porn" (with clothes). Similar effects are being done with Black Canary, Zatanna, Power Girl and Phantom Lady. The next issue of "Justice League of America" that does NOT feature a gratuitous buns n' fishnets shot of Black Canary will be the first. Zatanna used to be a second-rate female Dr. Strange, but now she appears showing off her gams every chance she gets. Even appearing with a slutty garter belt at times. It's like DC's artists are all 13 year old boys, who can't afford the courage or money to buy "real" porn...so they make this pseudo-porn of "crappy superheroine sexy poses".
But what do you expect from a company whose iconic female character has run around for the past 70 years in a swimsuit with red hooker boots and a weakness for bondage?
It gets worse in the fan atmosphere. Do a Google Image Search of any DC female character and within in the first page of results you'll see something x-rated. Even someone as obscure as Flamebird can be seen getting jizzed or showing off her snatch. Look...we all have the Internets and if we want to see nekkid chicks, there are better ways to do it. Seeing Granny Goodness spanking Supergirl is just sick. Some latenight fantasies should stay tucked into a fanboy's mind.
As bad as this is, we haven't hit rock bottom. Yet. That point will be reached when we find an X-rated image of Amanda Waller. That big, booty-licious black broad with the body that won't quit....mmmmm.....
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Crank up the Pumps
It's impossible to go a day without hearing some news-douche complain about "rising costs at the gas pumps". Or how the terrible reality of paying 30 bucks more a month has led...gasp....a family to clip coupons and buy generic milk!!
I'm actually hopeful for the rising gas costs. Simply because I want people off my fucking roads. Can't afford gas? Great... keep your frugal ass at home. You'll not only cut down on harmful emissions and save money, but you'll decrease the area's DoucheBag Quotient for the day.
Less traffic and gridlock will also lead to more effective gas mileage for every vehicle on the road. For example: with 1,000 less minivans and Chevy Tahoes on the road, that grocery delivery truck won't have to sit idling at each intersection and will make his delivery in a timely manner.
About 15 years ago, when I was in college and thought that I had half a brain, I came up with a plan to cut back on metro traffic. Everyday, it would take me up to 75 minutes to drive a measly 15 miles. Forget about getting anywhere on time between 7 to 9am or 4 to 7pm, because it wasn't happening.
Local authorities called for widening of highways and more mass transit... two lame brain plans, because one added more cars on the highway, and the second added more slower, ineffective vehicles (busses) clogging them more frequently. Have you ever had a bus pass you on the left? No, since they're usually backing up traffic in the right lanes.
So my revolutionary plan was to charge every licensed driver $800-1000 more per year, as a "drivers' fee". Sure, stuff like "car insurance" and "vehicle registration" could be considered that, but I wanted an additional fee on top of all of that shit. Like proof of registration, it could be displayed as a shiny dated sticker placed on your license plate. My belief was that some dipshit would want to save 800-1,000 bucks and would refuse to drive for the entire calendar year. One less ding dong on the road is always a good thing.
Now, with gas prices creeping up, it seems that my annual fee has arrived in a different form. Sure, I don't like paying more, but it beats the alternative (staying home all the time, starving, getting no nookie, having no job, etc).
But nobody's taking the cheap way out. I'm seeing more traffic, every single day. It's taking longer to drive those same 15 miles. Nobody's making an effort to avoid these supposedly awful gas prices. Pay 'em, keep going, sit in traffic and WHINE. Nothing short of Lord Humongous and his Wasteland Raiders will keep morons off the road.
So please, stay home if gas prices bother you. Give me 7 bucks a gallon and I'll take it. As long as it keeps SOMEONE at home. Like a wise, hockey-mask, S&M-wearing, freak once said: "just walk away...and this will all be over..."
The problem isn't high gas prices. It's whiny douchebags and morons. Again.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The DNC Supports Deforestation!!
The Democratic National Convention is scheduled to fuck up...errrr.. hit Denver in late August of this year. As part of the city-wide cleanup, they're doing random things like filling potholes, cleansing the bums and other minor touch-ups.
One of these touch-ups was apparently chopping down roughly 50 trees in front of the Pepsi Center, where the event will be held. The Pepsi Center sits on the north side of Auraria Parkway, which has been a major artery into downtown Denver for almost 20 years now. In the middle of Auraria Parkway, for all of that time, has been a traffic island full of trees, strecthing roughly 200 feet. The island itself is about five feet wide and housed these trees well. They had a good effect on the otherwise dismal expanse of asphalt. They didn't make a mess, either.
But as of Monday, March 31, the city has been systematically chopping down all of them and making the traffic island as bare as Kurt Angle's dome. There was no reason for this, at all. Other than the fact that a TV camera crew can no stand on the island and provide a better profile shot of the Pepsi Center. Or maybe they cited "security concerns" and were worried that the EvilDoers of the World (tm George Bush) could hide in these trees and perpetarte Evil Deeds on our witless politicians.
If anything, cutting down these trees will increase traffic problems. The trees were quite dense and for the past 20 years no pedestrians could cross Auraria Parkway and wait in the traffic island. On any given morning it's not unusual to see traffic speeding into town on Auraria, doing about 50 MPH. Auraria separates the Pepsi Center from the 3-layered Auraria Campus (Communitty College of Denver, Metro State and CU-Denver). Now college kids have the opportunity to run across Auraria and fuck-up traffic.
Although I'm a registered Democrat, I'm not a tree-hugger by any means. While they looked nice, cutting down trees isn't what upsets me. What upsets me is that something that wasn't a problem was suddenly cited as such. Worse, the city is funding this worthless project, meaning that it's coming out of taxpayers' pockets.
But hey..the city's expecting to make a few million off of the DNC. Maybe they can use some of those funds to plant some new saplings in the Auraria Parkway traffic island. *Fart*
One of these touch-ups was apparently chopping down roughly 50 trees in front of the Pepsi Center, where the event will be held. The Pepsi Center sits on the north side of Auraria Parkway, which has been a major artery into downtown Denver for almost 20 years now. In the middle of Auraria Parkway, for all of that time, has been a traffic island full of trees, strecthing roughly 200 feet. The island itself is about five feet wide and housed these trees well. They had a good effect on the otherwise dismal expanse of asphalt. They didn't make a mess, either.
But as of Monday, March 31, the city has been systematically chopping down all of them and making the traffic island as bare as Kurt Angle's dome. There was no reason for this, at all. Other than the fact that a TV camera crew can no stand on the island and provide a better profile shot of the Pepsi Center. Or maybe they cited "security concerns" and were worried that the EvilDoers of the World (tm George Bush) could hide in these trees and perpetarte Evil Deeds on our witless politicians.
If anything, cutting down these trees will increase traffic problems. The trees were quite dense and for the past 20 years no pedestrians could cross Auraria Parkway and wait in the traffic island. On any given morning it's not unusual to see traffic speeding into town on Auraria, doing about 50 MPH. Auraria separates the Pepsi Center from the 3-layered Auraria Campus (Communitty College of Denver, Metro State and CU-Denver). Now college kids have the opportunity to run across Auraria and fuck-up traffic.
Although I'm a registered Democrat, I'm not a tree-hugger by any means. While they looked nice, cutting down trees isn't what upsets me. What upsets me is that something that wasn't a problem was suddenly cited as such. Worse, the city is funding this worthless project, meaning that it's coming out of taxpayers' pockets.
But hey..the city's expecting to make a few million off of the DNC. Maybe they can use some of those funds to plant some new saplings in the Auraria Parkway traffic island. *Fart*
Monday, December 31, 2007
After Xmas shlop
So I'm hanging out at Target the other day... I mean, who doesn't hang out there? Retail stores are typically bare after Xmas, but it appears that all the recalled Chinese crap has made the stores even barer than usual.
I was just there to get some dog food, but I ended up impulse-buying a radio controlled car for 7 bucks and the Heroes DVD set for 19 bucks. The remote controlled car is more fun that it has any right to be....mainly because I have hardwood floors and the thing just hauls buns on those. Growing up, I'd always see remote controlled cars, wind-up cars, and even Stompers on TV and thought they looked awesome. The commercials would always show kids playing with this crap on hardwood floors. I never picked up on that, back then. So I'd harass my folks to buy me some Stompers, then I'd get 'em home, open up and the things would just sink into the floors of my carpetted home, with no traction. This was back in the early 80's, when many homes still had shag carpetting. Try playing with your Stompers on that...they don't move. Hell, even my GI Joe MOBAT would sink into the shag.
Now, over 25 years later, I can finally open up a battery operated toy car and have the thing zip around my house.
I've watched the first few episodes of the Heroes DVD and it's allright, I suppose. People have been recommending the series to me over the past year, simply because I like LOST and comic books. It's not intriguing me, yet...but I've got a long ways to go.
What ticked me off was the first disc in the set. I popped it in and saw three options available to me: episode 1, episode 2 and a "director's cut" of episode 1. Having never seen the show, I figured I should start with the "director's cut" of episode 1...since it should have nifty stuff that fans have been clamoring for, right? But it turned out that it was quite different from the "official" episode 1 and had roughly two additional subplots that had no consequences in future episodes. Basically I filled up my brain with some crap I shouldn't have been paying attention to: like a terrorist subplot (including some guy called "The Engineer" who can emit radiation from his hand) and a prisoner in Moab, Utah. Plus, the "psychic cop guy plot" and the "precog art guy plot" were both significantly different. Only after watching the full second episode, did I realize some stuff didn't line up. So I had to go back and FF through the "official" episode 1. For instance, I realized: "hey, I thought that art guy had hacked off his hand, last episode?!"
I was a little miffed at how you had to have already seen the entire season before buying the "Season One" DVD. That kind of restricts any potential new viewers from purchasing the DVD. *Fart*
I was just there to get some dog food, but I ended up impulse-buying a radio controlled car for 7 bucks and the Heroes DVD set for 19 bucks. The remote controlled car is more fun that it has any right to be....mainly because I have hardwood floors and the thing just hauls buns on those. Growing up, I'd always see remote controlled cars, wind-up cars, and even Stompers on TV and thought they looked awesome. The commercials would always show kids playing with this crap on hardwood floors. I never picked up on that, back then. So I'd harass my folks to buy me some Stompers, then I'd get 'em home, open up and the things would just sink into the floors of my carpetted home, with no traction. This was back in the early 80's, when many homes still had shag carpetting. Try playing with your Stompers on that...they don't move. Hell, even my GI Joe MOBAT would sink into the shag.
Now, over 25 years later, I can finally open up a battery operated toy car and have the thing zip around my house.
I've watched the first few episodes of the Heroes DVD and it's allright, I suppose. People have been recommending the series to me over the past year, simply because I like LOST and comic books. It's not intriguing me, yet...but I've got a long ways to go.
What ticked me off was the first disc in the set. I popped it in and saw three options available to me: episode 1, episode 2 and a "director's cut" of episode 1. Having never seen the show, I figured I should start with the "director's cut" of episode 1...since it should have nifty stuff that fans have been clamoring for, right? But it turned out that it was quite different from the "official" episode 1 and had roughly two additional subplots that had no consequences in future episodes. Basically I filled up my brain with some crap I shouldn't have been paying attention to: like a terrorist subplot (including some guy called "The Engineer" who can emit radiation from his hand) and a prisoner in Moab, Utah. Plus, the "psychic cop guy plot" and the "precog art guy plot" were both significantly different. Only after watching the full second episode, did I realize some stuff didn't line up. So I had to go back and FF through the "official" episode 1. For instance, I realized: "hey, I thought that art guy had hacked off his hand, last episode?!"
I was a little miffed at how you had to have already seen the entire season before buying the "Season One" DVD. That kind of restricts any potential new viewers from purchasing the DVD. *Fart*
Thursday, December 13, 2007
EPSN Classic late nights!
I stumbled upon ESPN Classic's (late)weeknight schedule the other week. They were running American Gladiators from 1990. The second season of Gladiators that ran in early 1990 with a revamped look. New look to the fields, better production quality and new commentator in Todd Christensen.
Pretty sure this was the start of Christensen's shitty broadcasting career. He criticizes everything, including the way contestants can't properly aim the Big Bazooka that Fires Nerf Darts. Very condescending tone, as it the average joe should know how to fire one of those things. Christensen apparently impressed somebody with his analysis of the Wall, Breakthrough & Conquer and The Eliminator, though. Later in the year, he was hired by the NFL to call regional games. So he took the same path to the NFL booth that his AG predecessor, Joe Theisman, did. Both sucked. Larry Csonka succeeded Christensen in the AG booth, but surprisingly he never made it to the NFL booth. (If he did, it was in very limited exposure). Kind of a shame, because I think a bulldozing Dolphins runningback who dented opponents' helmets would have more credibility than a Gimpy Redskins QB or a Raiders Tight End with Long Curly Hair.
The actual Gladiators show is enjoyable. This season featured Titan, a big powerlifter dude who never appeared again. He kinda' resembled WCW's Ice Train (aka "I.M. Smooth"). They also dumped the goofy "judge" with the executioner's hood from 1989 and went to retired NFL refs wearing standard zebra uniforms. Basically, they re-tooled the show away from the strange "kinda'/sorta' pro wrestling vibe" that it had in the first season.
ESPN's "Cheap Seats" follows American Gladiators, nightly. Hosted by two nerdy guys, it's like a sports version of Mystery Science Theater 3000. On Tuesday night, they goofed on some old IWA wrestling, circa 1981. Fun stuff, as they pondered just what IS the proper definition of a "Mexican Surfboard".
Goofy crap like this is why I loved cable in the 80's and early 90's: quirky late night stuff. Since about 2002, the late night quirky-ness seems to have died down, with the closest thing being old re-runs of "Twilight Zone" on SciFi channel. Glad I found something.
Pretty sure this was the start of Christensen's shitty broadcasting career. He criticizes everything, including the way contestants can't properly aim the Big Bazooka that Fires Nerf Darts. Very condescending tone, as it the average joe should know how to fire one of those things. Christensen apparently impressed somebody with his analysis of the Wall, Breakthrough & Conquer and The Eliminator, though. Later in the year, he was hired by the NFL to call regional games. So he took the same path to the NFL booth that his AG predecessor, Joe Theisman, did. Both sucked. Larry Csonka succeeded Christensen in the AG booth, but surprisingly he never made it to the NFL booth. (If he did, it was in very limited exposure). Kind of a shame, because I think a bulldozing Dolphins runningback who dented opponents' helmets would have more credibility than a Gimpy Redskins QB or a Raiders Tight End with Long Curly Hair.
The actual Gladiators show is enjoyable. This season featured Titan, a big powerlifter dude who never appeared again. He kinda' resembled WCW's Ice Train (aka "I.M. Smooth"). They also dumped the goofy "judge" with the executioner's hood from 1989 and went to retired NFL refs wearing standard zebra uniforms. Basically, they re-tooled the show away from the strange "kinda'/sorta' pro wrestling vibe" that it had in the first season.
ESPN's "Cheap Seats" follows American Gladiators, nightly. Hosted by two nerdy guys, it's like a sports version of Mystery Science Theater 3000. On Tuesday night, they goofed on some old IWA wrestling, circa 1981. Fun stuff, as they pondered just what IS the proper definition of a "Mexican Surfboard".
Goofy crap like this is why I loved cable in the 80's and early 90's: quirky late night stuff. Since about 2002, the late night quirky-ness seems to have died down, with the closest thing being old re-runs of "Twilight Zone" on SciFi channel. Glad I found something.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
TNT - March 14, 1985
Lately I haven't enjoyed the WWE 24/7 episodes of Tuesday Night Titans. But this latest episode contained some decent promos and hype for WrestleMania 2. Most significant, they only did ONE "Lord Alfred Hayes is so darn goofy" joke: a little bit where Vince McMahon kids him about never going higher than the first rope.
The recently arrived Jake "the Snake" Roberts makes his first TNT appearance and turns in a noteworthy performance. He mentions why he doesn't have to shout in his promos (he's confident enough that he doesn't feel the need) and how he relates to snakes ("they don't have or need any friends"). In his in-ring highlight clip, he hits the DDT (to no pop) then tosses Damien out on his opponent. But in the TNT studio, Jake has brought along Lucifer-- Damien's big brother. Neat trivia, since I always thought Lucifer didn't appear until Damien "died" at the hands of Earthquake in 1991. Was this 1986 Lucifer the same snake as the 1991 version? Or did one snake play all three parts? Suckas gots ta' know.
Smokin' Joe Frazier also comes on to promote the Roddy Piper- Mr. T WrestleMania 2 match (Frazier will be in T's corner). Frazier does some ...strange... promo work by messing around with a rubber chicken dressed up like Piper. They cut to the WrestleMania 2 Press Conference, where Piper cuts an awesome promo on Mr. T, citing the way he perms the middle of his mohawk. Lou Duva then comes up to add to the promo. Piper concludes with a semi-rascist bit about "I DO play Sun City". Definitely a contemporary reference, right there. If I remember correctly, Sun City is/was a casino town in South Africa that was strict anti-black. Alot of US performers refused to play there, as a way to protest Apartheid. Steven Van Zandt (Silvio from "The Sopranos") even organized an all-star jam track called "I ain't gonna' play Sun City".
Anyways, TNT ties up with some quality segments with the Funk Brothers, Big John Studd and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. For more trivia, they announce Dino Bravo as a particpant in the WrestleMania 2 Battle Royal (I don't think Bravo was even on the card). There's also a weird video on NFL'er Russ Franics. But darn if Steamboat doesn't seem like the nicest guy in the world. He slips in a lttle foreshadowing, too. Steamer's segment follows Roberts' and Vince asks him if he'd ever bring a dragon to the ring, like Damien or Lucifer. Steamboat energetically mentions that he's "looking for one!" I think the Roberts/Steamboat feud would begin right after WrestleMania 2.
The recently arrived Jake "the Snake" Roberts makes his first TNT appearance and turns in a noteworthy performance. He mentions why he doesn't have to shout in his promos (he's confident enough that he doesn't feel the need) and how he relates to snakes ("they don't have or need any friends"). In his in-ring highlight clip, he hits the DDT (to no pop) then tosses Damien out on his opponent. But in the TNT studio, Jake has brought along Lucifer-- Damien's big brother. Neat trivia, since I always thought Lucifer didn't appear until Damien "died" at the hands of Earthquake in 1991. Was this 1986 Lucifer the same snake as the 1991 version? Or did one snake play all three parts? Suckas gots ta' know.
Smokin' Joe Frazier also comes on to promote the Roddy Piper- Mr. T WrestleMania 2 match (Frazier will be in T's corner). Frazier does some ...strange... promo work by messing around with a rubber chicken dressed up like Piper. They cut to the WrestleMania 2 Press Conference, where Piper cuts an awesome promo on Mr. T, citing the way he perms the middle of his mohawk. Lou Duva then comes up to add to the promo. Piper concludes with a semi-rascist bit about "I DO play Sun City". Definitely a contemporary reference, right there. If I remember correctly, Sun City is/was a casino town in South Africa that was strict anti-black. Alot of US performers refused to play there, as a way to protest Apartheid. Steven Van Zandt (Silvio from "The Sopranos") even organized an all-star jam track called "I ain't gonna' play Sun City".
Anyways, TNT ties up with some quality segments with the Funk Brothers, Big John Studd and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. For more trivia, they announce Dino Bravo as a particpant in the WrestleMania 2 Battle Royal (I don't think Bravo was even on the card). There's also a weird video on NFL'er Russ Franics. But darn if Steamboat doesn't seem like the nicest guy in the world. He slips in a lttle foreshadowing, too. Steamer's segment follows Roberts' and Vince asks him if he'd ever bring a dragon to the ring, like Damien or Lucifer. Steamboat energetically mentions that he's "looking for one!" I think the Roberts/Steamboat feud would begin right after WrestleMania 2.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Slut-o-ween
So I went out to Denver's busiest meat market with some friends for Halloween. It's a country bar out in Aurora, well known for it's Wednesday's Ladies Night. In fact, over the years, several of my "chick friends" have given me dating advice consisting solely of: "go out there on Wednesdays, you'll meet someone".
On Halloween night it resembled a Vegas sex convention. Or at least a convention for fetishes. All of the standard slutty outfits were there: dirty cop, Pocahontas, farmer's daughter, school girl, Wonder Woman, etc (regretfully, I didn't see anybody dressed up as the Baroness. Dammit). Although some broads had passed the Legal Weight Limit for certain costumes. It's a little telling that all of the adult stores around town have been advertising themselves as "your Halloween Headquarters". So Halloween is now a chance for women to slut it up. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
On the male side, I was mildly thrilled that the wretched "Pimp Daddy" costumes have died down. Only saw three of 'em. From about 2001 to 2005, that seemed to be the favorite costume among schmucks in their 20's. The joke's old and wasn't funny to begin with, but it looks like most of the populace has moved past it.
Oh, since this is a wrestling site; I saw one guy dressed up as Macho Man, with the cowboy hat, glasses, tassles and everything. When he walked by, I yelled "snap into a Slim Jim", but he looked at me like I was a mutant. Also saw a guy in a Rey Mysterio mask. But his height ruined it-- he was about 5'9". I like how luchador masks are becoming more abundant and accepted into pop culture. I even saw a guy in an Ultimo Dragon mask in Lodo on Saturday night.
I was going to wear my Chippendale's Dancer costume...but I get tired of wearing my old work clothes and wanted something more whimsical.
On Halloween night it resembled a Vegas sex convention. Or at least a convention for fetishes. All of the standard slutty outfits were there: dirty cop, Pocahontas, farmer's daughter, school girl, Wonder Woman, etc (regretfully, I didn't see anybody dressed up as the Baroness. Dammit). Although some broads had passed the Legal Weight Limit for certain costumes. It's a little telling that all of the adult stores around town have been advertising themselves as "your Halloween Headquarters". So Halloween is now a chance for women to slut it up. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
On the male side, I was mildly thrilled that the wretched "Pimp Daddy" costumes have died down. Only saw three of 'em. From about 2001 to 2005, that seemed to be the favorite costume among schmucks in their 20's. The joke's old and wasn't funny to begin with, but it looks like most of the populace has moved past it.
Oh, since this is a wrestling site; I saw one guy dressed up as Macho Man, with the cowboy hat, glasses, tassles and everything. When he walked by, I yelled "snap into a Slim Jim", but he looked at me like I was a mutant. Also saw a guy in a Rey Mysterio mask. But his height ruined it-- he was about 5'9". I like how luchador masks are becoming more abundant and accepted into pop culture. I even saw a guy in an Ultimo Dragon mask in Lodo on Saturday night.
I was going to wear my Chippendale's Dancer costume...but I get tired of wearing my old work clothes and wanted something more whimsical.
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