Donnybrook Theatre

WWE 24/7 ("Classics on Demand") added a never-before-seen snippet entitled "Donnybrook Theatre". A pilot episode from 1995, hosted by Todd Pettengill, with Mr. Fuji, Yokozuna, Lord Alfred Hayes (he was still around in 1995?!!) and (apparently) the Rosati Sisters ("Oink-ettes").

Like the bastard love child of "TNT", it took place in a studio, with an Old West Saloon set-up. Recalling "Fuji Bandito", Yokozuna and Fuj walked in to play cards. Might sound like fun... but 95% of the skit was Todd Pettengill motor-mouthing his way through the whole thing, while dressed like the old "movie director" stereotype. Clad in a beret, boots and carrying a megaphone, Pettengill narrated the whole thing, which was completely devoid of humor or excitement. Stuff like: "Yokozuna then sat down to play cards!"

For some reason, "The Huckster" soon entered, although he was announced as simply "Hulk Hogan". Yoko slowly beat him up and gave him the BANZAI drop. That was it... as the final segment was destroyed and couldn't be found. Very, very WEIRD. The premise sounded somewhat funny, with Yoko and Fuj clowning around, but Pettengill delivered no witty remarks or one-liners and the "director" gimmick quickly turned stale. Then "Hulk Hogan"?! I'm curious as to WHEN this was originally filmed, as it may have been their first attempt to whip up something similar to the Billionaire Ted skits.

Avoid this clip at all costs. "Fuji Vice" has gained a cult following over the years, but it "Donnybrook Theatre" ever does, then there is no hope for the Internet Rasslin' Fan.

WWF @ Madison Square Garden - July 12, 1986

I wanted to review this entire card, but time constraints and the weekly WWE Classics OnDemand expiration meant I had to record it while I cut the grass. Still, got to see the gist of the card, including:

Tony Atlas vs. Leaping Lanny Poffo
Face-v-face match and actually not 100% terrible, as Atlas was much more mobile than I expected. Before the match, Lanny delivered a light-hearted poem praising "Mr. USA" and bemoaning his lost luggage. Both guys traded dropkicks to pick up the pace, but Atlas soon settled on the chinlock. Ending was unexpected, as they bounced off opposite turnbuckles, with Atlas leap-frogging and pinning Poffo with a backslide. A bit sloppy and choregraphed on the pinfall, though (you could see Poffo "stumbling" and putting his arms into position for Atlas's backslide).

22-Man $50,000 Battle Royal
Somewhat famous match-- it's the "match where Jimmy Hart hides under the ring and eventually wins". Mostly jobbers and tag-teamers, with Johnny Valiant and Bobby Heenan also donning the trunks. Going off of memory, but I think it included:

1. Big John Studd
   
2. King Kong Bundy
   
3. Bobby Heenan
   
4. "Handsome" Harley Race
   
5. Greg Valentine
   
6. Brutus Beefcake
   
7. Tony Garea
   
8. Lanny Poffo (still sweating from the last match)
   
9. Tony Atlas (same as above)
   
10. Sivi Afi (listed as "Siva Afi")
    
11. Junkyard Dog
    
12. Moondog Spot (listed as "Spot Moondog")
    
13. Moondog Rex (listed as "Rex Moondog")
    
14. Billy Jack Haynes
    
15. King Tonga
    
16. Pedro Morales
    
17. Dynamite Kid
    
18. Davey Boy Smith
    
19. "Luscious" Johnny Valiant
    
20. Jimmy Hart
    
21. "Iron" Mike Sharpe (yarrrrrrgh!)
    
22. S.D. Jones
    

Cool touch as each particpant was introduced by Howard Finkel, complete with their hometowns. Everyone ganged up to dump Studd and Bundy, about 10 seconds into the match. Camera worked sucked, as they missed 90% of the eliminations, instead focusing on Jimmy Hart peeking out from under the ring apron. Best spot had the Bulldogs do-si-do and deliver dropkicks to eliminate the Moondogs.

Final segment boiled down to Haynes, Poffo, Smith, JYD and Tonga taking on Valentine. Valentine casually dumped Haynes, Smith, Poffo and Tonga, leaving only JYD. JYD was thrown through the second rope and discovered Jimmy Hart under the ring. Hart was brought back in to act as cheerleader for Valentine. Had to wonder WHY Hart was in there, since exactly ZERO of his clients were enrolled in this thing! Still, Valentine showed some hold-over loyalty to his old manager and protected him. Both JYD and Valentine tumbled over the ropes, simultaneously, leaving Hart as the victor. Hmm... have to check the records (including Memphis), but this may have been Hart's in-Ring Career Highlight.

Junkyard Dog vs. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Match went forever (remember: "it takes the Hammer 30 minutes just to get warmed up"), until both guys continued their Mild Battle Royal Feud and fought to a double-countout. Finkel again delivered some good theater as he announced both guys names, slowly, after the match, building suspense until it was deemed a "double countout".

Cage Match: Tito Santana and Bruno Sammartino vs. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis and "Macho Man" Randy Savage
The old chain-link cage and not the "big blue bar" version. Chico and Macho's collective presence was understandable, but I think Adonis/Sammartino was set up by a few "Flower Shop" segments. Rather funny how the #2 and #3 heels in the company (Macho and Adonis) had to sell for Bruno's punches and running knees. Bruno won it by beating the crap out of both guys, then exiting through the door. For good measure, Chico went over the top of the cage, at the same time. Bruno sure seemed to work a LOT of cage matches in 1986 and most were pretty well received by the crowds...so you have to give the old guy credit!

Other matches I didn't watch included:
Pedro Morales pinned "Iron" Mike Sharpe

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs beat the Moondogs

Billy Jack Haynes over Brutus Beefcake by DQ

King Kong Bundy & "The Giant" John Studd beat King Tonga & Sivi Afi

Harley Race pinned Tony Garea

Glad I got to cut the grass, as this card turned out to be over 2 hours of SUCK. I would've liked to catch Tonga/Avi vs. Studd/Bundy since I've become a big Tonga/Haku/MENG fan ever since I got WWE 24/7 and I've always dug Bundy. A few promos for next month's show aired; including Heenan declaring that Andre would be exposed under his "Machine" mask. But overall, this show was rather awful.

Boba Fett. Still Sucks.

As a public service for "Star Wars Day" (May the Fourth be with you...get it?! Nyuk! Nyuk!), I need to announce how much Boba Fett sucks, once again.

Worthless guy who looks kinda' neat... but his claim to fame was floating in garbage, then requiring the help of no less than Darth Vader and a buncha' Stormtroopers to catch some guy, along with his girlfriend, his dog, and a gay robot. Not to mention he also needed the help of (and betrayal by) his target's old gambling buddy.

Fittingly, to complete his life of worthless suckitude, Boba Fett was accidentally killed by a blind guy.

Iron Man: Animated Armored Adventures in Armor that are Adventurous

Ol' Tony Stark has been rebooted and re-labeled a lot, recently. Obviously, the most successful was the 2008 big-screen movie, but we've also had re-boots in the comic books and the 2007 Direct-to-DVD animated release.

So now Nickleodeon has launched "Iron Man: Armored Adventures". Done in the computer-animated style of MTV's ill-fated "Spider-Man" cartoon, it recasts Tony Stark as a 16 year old wiz kid. James Rhodes, Obadiah Stane and Pepper Potts are all along, as well. Following in the tradition of Stupid Marvel Super-Hero Theme Songs, this new show has its own entry.

For a "kids' show", some of the themes are pretty dramatic. Example: in the first episode Howard Stark dies in a weird plane crash and Tony soon has his familiar electrically-powered heart battery.

But it seems more than a little tough to stomach Tony Stark as a 16 year old (recall "Avengers: Timeslide" and the 1995 Kang/Iron Man/Mantis quagmire). Some Marvel heroes can be re-worked as teens, but Iron Man works best as an adult in his 30's (at least). Batman is the same. Besides, it gives something us old codgers can relate to. After all, we're the ones with disposable income who are buying the eventual DVD sets and other junk (although fathers say they're buying it "for their son").

Anyways, "Iron Man: Armored Adventures" runs on ...umm..I think it's Nickolodeon (might be "NickToons") on primetime Friday nights. Episodes are being added to Comcast's "onDemand" feature, as well.

Comics (in)Fest

Denver had an event called "ComicsFest", last weekend and it was a little bit of a disappointment. Located across the street from a concurrent Sci-Fi fest, it was basically some vendors and a few c-level "creators". I steered clear of the Sci-Fi fest, but of course a few of them wandered over (even some dork in a Klingon costume).

"ComicsFest" was set in a room about the size of the average garage, with room for one person to walk down each aisle. It was very hard to look through each vendor's comics. Especially when everyone was wearing a winter parka..and some with giant backpacks. I sorta' felt like I was suffocating.

Outside the room, they had the "creators" crammed in a hallway. Again, ONE person could pass through. The only name I recognized was Mike Baron, and he was selling autographed trade paperbacks of his stuff. A buncha' zombie and vampire artists, too. Including some chick who was the "star" of a direct-to-DVD feature called "Zombiez in my Colon" or some crap. Uh huh...I'm sure her clothes stay on through the entire film.

The admittance fee was WAY overpriced and the staff was worthless. I was stupid and actually asked to pay for an admittance wristband. Nobody checked wristbands and I could've walked right in and saved myself ten bucks. The guy who took my money was all sorts of stupid. He didn't explain what I was paying for, I had to ask him for the freebies (all of TWO folded/stapled pamphlets), where the main room was, and if I could have a bag.

I spent 17 bucks and got 48 comics. Mostly the random cheesy junk that I like. Although I went to one dork and sifted through his 50 cent box... I picked up a recent "justice league of america" so I could have some more hate-fodder. The guy immediately jumped on me and said "If you want an autographed version of that, we've got one! Cuz' we MET Brad Meltzer!!!" The man had waited his whole life to brag about that worthless fact.

BFD...I've met Sgt. Slaughter, ya' schmuck. I don't get the whole fanboy "We've got autographed comics" deal. I mean, if I have an issue of Amazing Spider-Man, I want it autographed by Spider-Man. Since that's impossible, I don't want my comic signed by someone who is NOT Spider-Man. That's like getting the production man at Topps Baseball to sign an Albert Pujols baseball card. Although my buddy and I did find a Superman book that was "autographed" by Clark Kent.

Better organization and a larger venue and this "ComicFest" could be something worthwhile. All the money they spent on getting shitty vampire artists could've been applied to organization and a better facility. The fan-base is there, but the organizers are apparently uber-cheap and went with the cheapest ballroom they could score. On the positive side--at least it wasn't a Super 8. Not everybody can be San Diego Comic-Con, but even when that was starting out, it was located in a fairly sizable downtown hotel.

Shorties: Ricky Steamboat & Shane Douglas vs. Big Sky & Vinnie Vegas

Keeping with WWE 24/7's March theme of "Large and in Charge" (aka: "fat guys"), this match is currently airing under "Shorties". It's from WCW Saturday Night on March 6, 1993. Douglas and Steamboat are the reigning WCW World Tag Team Champions, while Vegas (everyone's pal, Kevin Nash) and Sky (everyone's favorite Sabretooth from "X-men") are two random tall dudes teamed together.

While it's good for variety, you have to wonder if they could've dusted off something a little more interesting. The entire match features Vegas and Sky just pounding on Douglas. Douglas eventually escapes by performing three of the most awkward somersaults I've seen. Usually, this spot works well for the babyfaces: they quickly somersault under the heels and make the Hot Tag. But Vegas and Sky are both out of position and have to WALK OVER to Douglas, then make a concentrated effort to stop and STEP OVER him.

You'd think Douglas' escape would lead to a comeback win for the champs. Vegas and Sky were nothing exciting, so a clean loss wouldn't have hurt them. But, the Hollywood Blondes team of Brian Pillman and Steve Austin knock Douglas off the top turnbuckle and cause the DQ. Steamboat eventually chases them both back to the locker with a steel chair.

Like I said, it's good for variety, but not much else. Jesse Ventura and Tony Schiavone are on the sticks, though. They're not bad at all, yet Jesse gets in an amusing comment that causes Tony to lose it. Jesse is talking about the "the two big boys in the ring, Sky and Vegas. And speaking of two big boys-- howabout that Missy Hyatt?" It takes Tony a few seconds to piece it together... but then he laughs as he gets the punchline.

Twotter

I can never figure out the popularity of some crap. Hell, it's been almost 18 years and I'm still mystified why Kurt Cobain and Nirvana became popular. The latest trend that I can't grasp is Twitter.

Hate Twitter. The Padres/Mariners game had their field correspondent "twittering", last night (it was simulcast through MLB Network). After the game I checked out her twittering feed, since she was kind of a cute broad. But it was completely worthless gibberish, like "8th inning. Did you see that play? Hope to get interview".

A few months ago, the late lamented Rocky Mountain News sent a reporter to Twitter the funeral of a 3 year old boy killed in an accident. Pushed the limits of taste, but in included such insightful crap like: "10:33 am- dirt is thrown onto coffin".

I kinda' hate Twitter because it's dumbing down "journalism" and bringing Internet "sites" down to the lowest common level. Most Twitter feeds have poor spelling, awful grammar (stuff like: "your hot" or "it would of been a good idea") and halfway-formed random thoughts. The basic gimmick is that Twitter doesn't want you to think before posting something. It's the latest way to archive verbal diarrhea on the Internets.