Anything they won't release on DVD?

Last weekend I was trying to condense my large VHS tape bookshelf in my basement. It has my old first-run WWF tapes, GI joe cartoons, Dokken videos and other crap I thought was preserving at some time. In my early 20's, I started a string of "superhero cartoons" where I'd get up at odd hours to record random DC and Marvel TV adaptations.

But now, most of the rap I recorded has been released on DVD. On top of making some vintage stuff available to the masses, it also has the added benefit of killling the bootleg market at comic "conventions". Good. I never bought such crap on the basis that I refuse to pay 30 bucks for 7 low quality episodes of "Aquaman" burned on a PC to some stooge wearing a skin-tight Count Chocula t-shirt.

So I've been throwing away some of my "Superhero Cartoon" tapes, as they've mostly made it to DVD. Stuff like: 1970's Super Friends, 1990's Batman and (soon), the rare The rare Hawkman, Atom and Justice League shorts have helped to clean out my lump of tapes.

It appears DC has done a better job in the DVD rond-up than Marvel has. Although Marvel did release the awesome Spider-Man- The '67 Collection a few years back. I've heard rumors of the old "Marvel Super Heroes" TV shows being released for years, now. Same for "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends" and even 1994's "Iron Man". I'd expect these will come along within the next five years or so. Unless there's some huge hurdle I'm overlooking (most likely, copyrights and royalties).

But I thought I found something on my VH tapes that would never make the conversion:

Birds of Prey - The Complete Series

Or, "Broads of Prey" as I used to call it (*rimshot*). This turkey was plastered all over bus stop stations and the ariwaves for weeks prior to its release. I was a casual reader of the comic and taped the pilot episode for giggles. I thought someday, when I was drunk enough, that I'd cue up that episode and do a scalding review of it on Some Awesome Website. Dammit...foiled again! Bah!

I guess I'll have to settle for the 1990 "Justice League" live-action movie or the Roger Corman "Fantastic Four" movie. But I'd better transfer them to DVD before the tapes dry up.

Step-off!

Saw this in one of those "have a good day and SMILE" forwarded emails:

Cool idea and it'd be worth spending 50 bucks at Lowe's on some hardware to make it a reality. Just concerned whether or not it's structurally safe. If I hollow out two of my living room steps, will I one day hit the board wrong, then end up with my buns and calves in the basement?

I'll also need to check to see if my mammoth size 13 boats will actually FIT inside a drawer beneath my stairs.

DWS Secret Invasion at San Diego Comic Con!

For the second year in a row, Da' Wrestling Site will be infiltrating the San Diego Comic Con. No booth or anything, but we will be passing out promotional postcards.

If you spot yours truly, feel free to walk up to me and receive your FREE Limited Edition CLAWHOLD, only available at Comic Con 2008! I'll be volunteering to work a three hour shift on Saturday, then attending like a regular schmoe on Sunday.

We're also attending the Padres/Diamondbacks game at PETCO Park on July 28. Same offer applies...but your FREE Clawhold will be somewhat less prestigious.

Blowjobs! They're in the fucking Bible!

TIME magazine has a feature story this week that sounds like something George Carlin could've had fun with. Basically, some preacher (from the Bible belt of Memphis, no less) is saying that it's okay to have sex, lots of sex. No shit. They even cite a specific passage as a call for blowjobs:

From TIME Magazine

Genesis, chapter 2 verse 24, says a man "shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." But how liberally to define cleave? That was the very special Bible query the Rev. Stacy Spencer and his wife Rhonda took up last month with 252 married people at their New Direction Christian Church in Memphis, Tenn. And the Spencers' answer was ... encouraging. Does frequent sex have a place in marriage? Yep. Oral sex? Read the Song of Solomon 2: 3 for assurance. How about role-playing? One participant expressed a yearning to see her husband dressed as a police officer. The Good Book offers no specifics on that, so Stacy Spencer allowed that it was up to the woman, "as long as you're not lusting after a particular officer. Jesus talked about spiritual adultery, and that could be spiritual adultery. But if it's just a generic cop, go for it."

So no role-playing mentioned in the good book, but I've heard that beastiality is in there, somewhere.

I could hear the late, great George Carlin having some fun with this. Sex and religion seemed to be favorite sources of humor for him. I can visualize him on stage, saying "Howabout those blow-jobs?! Hey, they're in the fucking Bible!"

DC: more "continuity porn" (almost literally)

I've heard the term "continuity porn" attached to DC Comics' efforts of the last four years. With their revered attitude towards 1982's JLA, dusting off old villains, then connecting almost all of their superheroes into a goofy "club".

But today, I was asked if the newest "Titans" series is simply an excuse to display Starfire and her orange goods. Long a favorite subject of monkey-spanking fanboys (and even Ambush Bug, if you remember her swimsuit pic from 1985), she's been conveniently losing her clothes and appearing in suggestive poses over the past few years.

So in that regard: yes, the new "Titans" series IS another excuse for Starfire "fanboy porn" (with clothes). Similar effects are being done with Black Canary, Zatanna, Power Girl and Phantom Lady. The next issue of "Justice League of America" that does NOT feature a gratuitous buns n' fishnets shot of Black Canary will be the first. Zatanna used to be a second-rate female Dr. Strange, but now she appears showing off her gams every chance she gets. Even appearing with a slutty garter belt at times. It's like DC's artists are all 13 year old boys, who can't afford the courage or money to buy "real" porn...so they make this pseudo-porn of "crappy superheroine sexy poses".

But what do you expect from a company whose iconic female character has run around for the past 70 years in a swimsuit with red hooker boots and a weakness for bondage?

It gets worse in the fan atmosphere. Do a Google Image Search of any DC female character and within in the first page of results you'll see something x-rated. Even someone as obscure as Flamebird can be seen getting jizzed or showing off her snatch. Look...we all have the Internets and if we want to see nekkid chicks, there are better ways to do it. Seeing Granny Goodness spanking Supergirl is just sick. Some latenight fantasies should stay tucked into a fanboy's mind.

As bad as this is, we haven't hit rock bottom. Yet. That point will be reached when we find an X-rated image of Amanda Waller. That big, booty-licious black broad with the body that won't quit....mmmmm.....

Crank up the Pumps

It's impossible to go a day without hearing some news-douche complain about "rising costs at the gas pumps". Or how the terrible reality of paying 30 bucks more a month has led...gasp....a family to clip coupons and buy generic milk!!

I'm actually hopeful for the rising gas costs. Simply because I want people off my fucking roads. Can't afford gas? Great... keep your frugal ass at home. You'll not only cut down on harmful emissions and save money, but you'll decrease the area's DoucheBag Quotient for the day.

Less traffic and gridlock will also lead to more effective gas mileage for every vehicle on the road. For example: with 1,000 less minivans and Chevy Tahoes on the road, that grocery delivery truck won't have to sit idling at each intersection and will make his delivery in a timely manner.

About 15 years ago, when I was in college and thought that I had half a brain, I came up with a plan to cut back on metro traffic. Everyday, it would take me up to 75 minutes to drive a measly 15 miles. Forget about getting anywhere on time between 7 to 9am or 4 to 7pm, because it wasn't happening.

Local authorities called for widening of highways and more mass transit... two lame brain plans, because one added more cars on the highway, and the second added more slower, ineffective vehicles (busses) clogging them more frequently. Have you ever had a bus pass you on the left? No, since they're usually backing up traffic in the right lanes.

So my revolutionary plan was to charge every licensed driver $800-1000 more per year, as a "drivers' fee". Sure, stuff like "car insurance" and "vehicle registration" could be considered that, but I wanted an additional fee on top of all of that shit. Like proof of registration, it could be displayed as a shiny dated sticker placed on your license plate. My belief was that some dipshit would want to save 800-1,000 bucks and would refuse to drive for the entire calendar year. One less ding dong on the road is always a good thing.

Now, with gas prices creeping up, it seems that my annual fee has arrived in a different form. Sure, I don't like paying more, but it beats the alternative (staying home all the time, starving, getting no nookie, having no job, etc).

But nobody's taking the cheap way out. I'm seeing more traffic, every single day. It's taking longer to drive those same 15 miles. Nobody's making an effort to avoid these supposedly awful gas prices. Pay 'em, keep going, sit in traffic and WHINE. Nothing short of Lord Humongous and his Wasteland Raiders will keep morons off the road.

So please, stay home if gas prices bother you. Give me 7 bucks a gallon and I'll take it. As long as it keeps SOMEONE at home. Like a wise, hockey-mask, S&M-wearing, freak once said: "just walk away...and this will all be over..."

The problem isn't high gas prices. It's whiny douchebags and morons. Again.

The DNC Supports Deforestation!!

The Democratic National Convention is scheduled to fuck up...errrr.. hit Denver in late August of this year. As part of the city-wide cleanup, they're doing random things like filling potholes, cleansing the bums and other minor touch-ups.

One of these touch-ups was apparently chopping down roughly 50 trees in front of the Pepsi Center, where the event will be held. The Pepsi Center sits on the north side of Auraria Parkway, which has been a major artery into downtown Denver for almost 20 years now. In the middle of Auraria Parkway, for all of that time, has been a traffic island full of trees, strecthing roughly 200 feet. The island itself is about five feet wide and housed these trees well. They had a good effect on the otherwise dismal expanse of asphalt. They didn't make a mess, either.

But as of Monday, March 31, the city has been systematically chopping down all of them and making the traffic island as bare as Kurt Angle's dome. There was no reason for this, at all. Other than the fact that a TV camera crew can no stand on the island and provide a better profile shot of the Pepsi Center. Or maybe they cited "security concerns" and were worried that the EvilDoers of the World (tm George Bush) could hide in these trees and perpetarte Evil Deeds on our witless politicians.

If anything, cutting down these trees will increase traffic problems. The trees were quite dense and for the past 20 years no pedestrians could cross Auraria Parkway and wait in the traffic island. On any given morning it's not unusual to see traffic speeding into town on Auraria, doing about 50 MPH. Auraria separates the Pepsi Center from the 3-layered Auraria Campus (Communitty College of Denver, Metro State and CU-Denver). Now college kids have the opportunity to run across Auraria and fuck-up traffic.

Although I'm a registered Democrat, I'm not a tree-hugger by any means. While they looked nice, cutting down trees isn't what upsets me. What upsets me is that something that wasn't a problem was suddenly cited as such. Worse, the city is funding this worthless project, meaning that it's coming out of taxpayers' pockets.

But hey..the city's expecting to make a few million off of the DNC. Maybe they can use some of those funds to plant some new saplings in the Auraria Parkway traffic island. *Fart*